Holes

Sitting in tall grass, by the edge of a lake. I follow a bee. I watch it and notice a pattern in its flight. I notice now it gets smaller and starts to change shape and color. The bee is now a glowing green orb getting smaller and the flight pattern it gets smaller by half each time the pattern starts over. As it gets smaller the light becomes paler and the pattern gets faster. I realize I no longer see my surroundings. I become more mesmerized by to light going faster and pattern getting smaller. As it seems the pattern is about to become so small I can no longer see it, the light gets brighter. It’s almost blinding. I notice it glows like a radiant sun. I see now the same pattern mirrored in the orb each shift to a smaller size the mirror pattern is getting bigger. It’s now changing from a globe of light it’s starts to resemble a droplet of water. It’s just in floating in the air. The pattern still shrinking and growing at the same time. It pulls me closer. Like gravity pulling me in. I try to resist but it pulls me in like diving into a ball of water. I close my eyes as I break the surface. I come out the other side to a world that is alien, but still familiar. Where it was day it’s now night. I’m no longer by a lake, but instead on a large grassy cliff overlooking a cold sea. The smell of salt water and dead fish taints the air. The wind blows harsh and cold. It bites my face. Behind me I hear a large fire crackling I turn to see skins laid out by the fire. A bundle down with the skins, and a hastily built wind break of pine boughs and fallen branches beside it. I see no one, but I am not alone. Outside the glow of the fire I see movement but no shape. I sense fear and curiosity at the same time. I realize the fear is my emotions but the curiosity is not mine. I hear a voice say to me “sit and warm yourself by the fire.” There’s bannock warm on the rocks of the fire. The voice calls out again “Eat!” I grab one of the pieces and proceed to eat. I say to the darkness “who are you? Step into the light of the fire so I may see you.” “In time. Not yet.” The voice is not male, nor female, but something in between. I ask “where am I? How did I get here?” I get no response. I ask again”where am I? Please tell me.” “You’re here with us now. We are travelers too. We followed the faerie into a flying pool. Now we are stuck. Nothing but night. Nothing but cold and dark. Bitey cold hurts us” it replies from the shadows. “Where did your u get the food and skins?” I ask wondering how they got everything here if they found nothing. “Here it was already” replying from the shadows still. I figure now there has to be someone else here then. “How long have you been here?” I ask as I’m still trying to adjust my eyes to make out the being with the strange voice. “We came here long ago but only an eye blink ago. We don’t know since no fires in the sky. Always dark. Always cold.” I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn to look. I’m now on a snowy mountain. I’m high enough that when I look down I see what looks like snow on the ground is a think blanket of clouds. The voice is calling out but I can’t tell what direction. “Changes you make are still cold but now we can see.” I reply “I didn’t do this! What happened?” I am now confused and curious about what I fell into. “There’s something behind us!” I turn and now we’re in some cave or underground cavern of some sort. Again there’s a fire but I see no way out. There’s figures on the rocky walls. Some look like ancient cave drawings. Primitive and of odd looking figures. On the other walls there are more sophisticated images. Nothing looking familiar. The images are more intricate and geometric in shapes. There’s what appears to be words, but I don’t know the language. Again I hear from everywhere and nowhere, “ it tells us we are not to stay. We need to go again.” And suddenly we’re back at the fire on the cliff. It’s dark and I hear the waves of the sea crashing against the rocky cliff. Now by the fire though is a new figure. It’s a man with what appears to have a head dress made of antlers. He gestures to the skins laid out still by the fire. There’s a bladder of water now beside the skins. I go to the skins and pull one over my back facing the fire, rubbing my body to try to warm myself by the fire.

“You’re here because you can see. You are here because you always were. This is of your creation. You are and always have been eternal.you can see because you’re always here.”

I reply in my confused state “what do I see? Where am I? What did I create?”

“You create your reality. You are what you need to be. You are where you need to be. There are no doors unless you bring them to existence. You are here because you see.”

“This is bullshit! So if I want light I just say let there be light, and snap my fingers?” Snapping my fingers sarcastically, all of a sudden it’s midday. I see now that it’s not a head dress. This guy has antlers. His eyes are dark. It’s a striking image to see in real life. I’ve seen art renderings and such, but never in the flesh.

“This is what you need it to be. This is where you need it to be. You can come here when you need to give the answers.”

“Don’t you mean learn the answers?”

“You already know the answers. You just have to remember them and speak them aloud.”

“This is bizarre! I want to go home!”

With that I wake up in my bed. It’s a strange dream. I go to make coffee. As I stumble to the living room and into the kitchen I look out the window. There are ravens on my fence looking in at me. They are spending more time here. I start the coffee and head to the bathroom. The cats are all talking to me.

After I go to the bathroom I go grab my phone from the nightstand. So I can play my puzzle games and listen to music while I have my coffee. I sit down in the recliner and wait for the coffee to brew. I feel strange and still a bit confused by my dream. I decide I need to revisit it. So I set myself into the chair I start to journey. I instantly am back at the cliff. I’m by myself though. Nobody is there. I look at the to the ground and I see a a light it’s the same light that I saw before. I want it to hurry, and it instantly changes to a floating orb of water. I put my hand in it and the other side feels warm. I go through the portal to arrive in my yard. It’s warm and quiet. I hear something behind me. I turn to find nothing there. I’m confused trying to follow this journey. I sit down and said to myself that I’m not chasing the rabbit anymore. I decide I’m done and jokingly say “fuck that rabbit! Fuck him right in his fluffy tail!”

I come back to now, the coffee is ready. I pour a cup and look out the window to see the ravens now in the middle of the road eating what looks to be a dead rabbit that lost a race with someone’s car. I felt guilty because I was told I create my reality and I decided the rabbit had to go. Then. Decided the ravens needed to eat. I sat down with my coffee and pondered the event. I can see it as coincidence or I can see it as manifestation. If it’s coincidence, it was a weird trip. If it’s manifestation, I need to choose my actions carefully.

We all need to choose our actions carefully. No matter our beliefs, we all truly are accountable for our actions.

Published by Snowy Owl

There was a lot more written here before. Then I saw it was irrelevant. I am just another person with an autoimmune disease and spectrum ”disorder” who is highly sensitive to their environment. I thought I would write a few things down, so here you go. Swim at your own risk!

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