Conversations in silence.

How often do we get mislabeled, misdiagnosed, misunderstood? I’m sitting here alone in silence, having multiple conversations at once. Not out loud, but in a different space. When I say that, most think I’m nuts, schizophrenic, hallucinating. But it’s how you look at it. So they cast me with that diagnosis, but yet I show no signs of it and they assume then I’m lonely and looking for attention. That again is wrong because being around people drives me crazy. Most introverted empaths understand what I mean. I don’t hate people, but dealing with all their energy can be draining. So know you’re labeled an attention seeker. No I’m not looking for attention. Trust me. If I wanted attention, I have no problem flailing my hands and saying look at me. After 10 years of health problems, I have no trouble getting attention when I need it. So if that’s the case, you’re misunderstanding my meaning of conversations alone in silence.

This is my observation on how people treat me when I talk the way I do. I’m not judging anyone for this, because that’s how they see me. That’s how they relate my words to their ego. The best group of people I have met, are like myself a bit eccentric. That’s the nice way of saying whackadoo, batshit, weirdoes. I mean that with the deepest love and appreciation for my tribe. Unlike tribes you are born into, this is one of love and choice. We have different beliefs and experiences. Out in public as individuals we blend. Just because we’re not that different. We have the same desire for growth and community so why is it when we get together we are a bunch of nut jobs? So when I tell them I go on journeys, and talk to other things, they understand. It’s like prayer, or imagining a sunny skies and green grass, because your unable to go to it physically and your trying not to let the dark thoughts bring you down. It’s me instead listening to the wind, or crickets, trees, or birds. After a while you understand it. It becomes language and teaches you things that bring you to a new understanding of what we are.

We are just energy in a meat suit. We come from each other. Being us is just a new experience to teach the species to survive. I know that there are some of us that get this understand that every breath is a gift. You don’t know yourself until you listen to your innermost self. Once you understand that, you understand your belief. You start to see what your reality really is. Once you realize who you are you start to listen. You create yourself. You put that image out into the universe. You give it birth. You breathe air into its lungs.

I decided this is my reality. Maybe it could be dementia, or something else. I am though in my mind completely sane. To me it’s no different than prayer, or contemplative thought. I understand it. It’s a different language. So since I try hard not to go off on religious folk, I remember that this is just how they understand me. so I accept that I can’t fully communicate with them that way and instead express other language. Find the common tongue. Love is fairly universal. We all have a similar idea of love. So let’s talk about that. Let’s share our love for each other. Let’s not waste time on differences we will not agree on. Instead let’s learn more about things we love together.

Love you all

I’m tired of being mislabeled, misdiagnosed, and misunderstood. As a sailor said ”I am’ut’Iam and dadsaulluh-t’iam” and that’s me back at the kids table. That’s all folks!

~S.O.~

Published by Snowy Owl

There was a lot more written here before. Then I saw it was irrelevant. I am just another person with an autoimmune disease and spectrum ”disorder” who is highly sensitive to their environment. I thought I would write a few things down, so here you go. Swim at your own risk!

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