Tonight I’m struggling. Too many people. Too many crosses through timelines. I can’t hold a thought. Pains through my body as I bounce between them. The barrier that separated the lives is fading. Bleed through of each life playing in my mind like a bad episode recap. The anxiety starts to riddle my body with tremors and pain. My heart races as I continue to slip out of control.
I recently had the realization that many of my past lives is just genetic memory. Those who walked before me took those moments and it really hit them as something important. Something they should remember. This makes me now worry that as I have no children of my own, will I not be able to return? Is this my last time coming back? Will the genetics of my only nephew carry enough genetic code to give me a chance? What if he has no children?
This is the shit that goes on in my brain constantly. As often as I try to ignore it, I get pulled back to this cycle of thought. I think that if that’s the case, maybe the next adventure is a tree. Since I realize I want to heal the earth, maybe I need to become a forest. Do I star planting those seeds now? Have this body be buried in the middle of that forest when it’s taken it’s last breath. My rotting body feeds the ground that feeds the trees. The earth one day will be able to breathe again. Those who live on after that will take steps to change.
S.O.
