Driving in a small pickup, radio playing rock music that’s got overwhelming feelings coursing through her body. Happy, sad, strong, and weak all at once. She sings along “every time I’m falling down, every time I fall to pieces!” She’s happy in the memory but feels deeply they’re absence. She drives along the river, as her years fall down her face. What she would give to feel like that again. With them. She pulls off the road to a small clearing by the riverside between some trees. There’s ducks and gulls in the water. A gentle breeze wisps through the air. She takes a deep breath and walks to the water slipping her shoes off as she goes. There’s nobody with her, but she feels their presence. She closes her eyes as her feet hit the water. The smell of the river fills her nostrils. She knows she only has an empty place to go home to. She wonders how she can feel so depressed while in such a beautiful spot with perfect weather? She tried calling out, but no response comes.
About a half hour goes by, before she heads back to the truck. She’s going to go to the Dairy Queen and get some French fries and a sundae where she will sit and eat outside at the stone table. Dipping her fries in her ice cream, she feels the hold to this space let go of her. She doesn’t finish her food but gets up and throwing it in the trash, she decides the night needs some alcohol. She gets a bottle of vodka and a pack of smokes on her way home.
Sitting in the tub she drops the now empty bottle of vodka on the floor. She feels the quick sharp bites and lays back in the tub watching the water swirl it’s pinkish swirls. She thinks to herself “I’m so tired, I’m just going to go to sleep”