Spitting into the wind

You can not carry water in a broken vessel. You can not fly across to water with a hole in your sail. Anger and frustration causes fractures and cracks in your walls. It leaves your spirit exposed and vulnerable. While you may feel strong some days, really you’re just punching holes it the walls and stomping cracks in your foundation.

I have been so angry for so long, I forgot what I was angry about and realized the anger was just a mask for my fears and insecurities. What happens when I unclench my fists and reach out my open hands? Will I find something reaching back? Will I be led back to happiness? Will I then find peace again? I used to tell myself “Not my circus. Not my monkeys!” Then I stopped telling myself that and I forgot I can’t control other things. All I can control is my words, and actions. I wasted precious time and energy trying to make others listen, but I can’t do that. I became deaf to my own words. I became blind to my own actions. My vessel became weak and the cracks started to show.

Today is a new day. Now is a new moment. I take back my light, and I will patch the walls. I will clean house and give it a new coat of paint. Clear the dirt and dust that blankets everything. I will open the windows to allow the fresh air to kiss my lungs. I will take a shower and wash away the blood and salt and shit that has splattered over me from my tantrums of madness. Then I will refill my vessel and remember that I am still worthy of my love.

Published by Snowy Owl

There was a lot more written here before. Then I saw it was irrelevant. I am just another person with an autoimmune disease and spectrum ”disorder” who is highly sensitive to their environment. I thought I would write a few things down, so here you go. Swim at your own risk!

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