Home(less) of the brave

There’s been a lot of stuff going on over the past few weeks. There’s never the “right time” or whatever to post or even try to post. It’s hard for so many nowadays. Everyone is trying to get back to their entertained state of convenience. It’s getting uglier than ever out there. There’s something though that made me feel like things are worse for those who are already doing much worse than you.

I recently got put into a very uncomfortable state of being, as my spouse made me do a road trip to spend some of her vacation time. I don’t like to do the social interaction thing with people. Long before the pandemic, I was well cemented in my antisocial ways of anxiety hiding from the mass amount of mindless idiots that are growing exponentially. I’m telling you that I don’t need tv or movies. Not when you have 21st century America. However because for some reason this beautiful person loves me and wants me to go with her on her trip, I go. Things start bittersweet because we started the trip by dropping our son off at the airport to fly back to Virginia. It’s so hard when we hadn’t seen him in over two years. So day one is just miserably hot and uncomfortable. My arthritis is flaring something awful and it’s hot as shit in this very uncomfortable passenger seat of her convertible. 12 hours into this drive we finally make our first stop. We try our best to get comfortable in the hotel, but we’re so exhausted that we just pass out regardless. The next day we are doing less drive time but still won’t be into Oregon because the wife wants a picture at the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco before we end the day in Eureka. We get to our hotel stop and it’s the worst one of the whole trip. Shitty staff. Shitty and dirty room. Shitty loud guests. The place was filled with old broken cars everywhere. Normally I would not care, but this was the most expensive room on the trip up there and just very uncomfortable. I couldn’t sleep but that happens. We go to get breakfast and the McDonald’s app forces me to do the curbside pickup. The doors are barricaded at this place. I’m very discouraged. This kid finally comes out with only half our order and gets himself locked out. His coworkers just dit watching him laughing as he’s trying to go in to get the stuff he forgot. Finally one of them opens the door and the kid goes to get the rest of the order. This poor kid was embarrassed but was polite and still had a smile with his return. I only had a couple bucks in my wallet but gave it to him as a thank you for doing a god job taking care of the customers while dealing with shitty coworkers. With that we cross the street to get gas, and that’s when I saw something that hurt a lot.

I’ve seen the homeless and understand that there is some shit that happens to everyone. Some have bad luck. Some just choose to live like that. I don’t judge. I was homeless myself for a good spell. however I have not seen it first hand where these people are just invisible. It’s a feeling I didn’t like. Not only was this man digging up to his armpits in the trash at the gas station, but to get his attention I had to pat him on the shoulder. He said he thought I was talking to someone else because everyone just ignores him. I handed him all my breakfast and then after gassing up the car I went into the gas station buying canned food and beef jerky, bottles of water and brought it back to him. He was grateful but continued to dig in the trash, because bottles and cans he can exchange for money. This guy knew that the food I gave him will only go so far. I wished I could do more but knew it’s out of my control. From that stop until we reached our destination in Portland area, all I noticed was the sheer amount of little homeless encampments. When we toured Portland I noticed that blocks and blocks and blocks of the city were all just tents and boxes and shopping carts. People sleeping in doorways of now closed businesses. Some are clearly dealing with mental health issues, but so many looked like they were new to this life. Trying to survive in the heat with nothing. So many businesses closed down. So many losing jobs and homes. Worse than this though, was the blind eye turned to them and the struggle. Like they’re nothing but vermin or insects in the gutter. I mean they’re clearly there and there’s not just a few, or hundreds, but thousands.

Everyone wants to believe it’s not that bad and we’re getting back to normal , but why is this normal? Why do so many choose to ignore the suffering of others? Does it really make you feel better about yourself if you say it’s not that bad? Do you think if you just ignore it, it will all just go away like a stray cat? For a country that brags about being the best, it’s far from it.

People seem to only help if they’re recording it for social media clout. I didn’t even think of it, because I don’t need praise for being empathetic to my fellow people. I don’t give a shit about praise. I just want to help if I can, and let people know that I see them and They matter. Im very privileged and I understand it 100% I can easily be worse off, but I’m beyond gray for my family and there happiness. The rest is just stuff. Stuff comes and goes. I hope someone can figure out a real solution to the problems of the world but the reality is, people only invest in things with a return. So if they can’t profit from a good deed, then they say it’s just a bad investment.

Published by Snowy Owl

There was a lot more written here before. Then I saw it was irrelevant. I am just another person with an autoimmune disease and spectrum ”disorder” who is highly sensitive to their environment. I thought I would write a few things down, so here you go. Swim at your own risk!

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