Tonight ringing in my ears are the songs of sea faring men. Call to keep in time, and move with the sea. Lifting spirits to the sun on a damp day at sea. The smell of soup and ale fill my nostrils. salt of the Briney sea cakes the edges of my boot cuffs. We landed a whale the other day, so there’s lots of meat and oil for warm festivities. The men are all drunk even though the rain still pours, there’s no concern for the evening. The crow in the nest is sober and watching hardy. He owes the crew a vigilant night for saving his ass at port. He caused more than enough trouble with the locals. The captain had to work hard to ease their hearts that we were leaving at Dawn’s break. Daft bastard has a way with the lassies, but needs to to watch his fucking oiled silver tongue.
2 bells toll from the deck. Best see what the captain needs.
Days going by and as the time passes it leaves a trail. It’s a trail of dust and DNA. More of me falls away. Eventually mountains fall to the constant tide of the sea. My body feels the strain more every day. Body crumbles and eyesight fails, but I still see the toll of winter. The past travels further away and fear of letting it go becomes overwhelming. You feel if you let it go, then it’s gone forever. The problem with carrying all of those memories is that they become heavy. Time changes everything and nothing all at once. Time is only hard for me to deal with in linear thought. I bounce through time easily but with this life, trying to put a measurement of time between events makes me go into a panic attack. I wonder how long into my next revolution it takes before I recognize this time is happening and happened already? What does my head in still is the idea that these are all happening simultaneously. These lives, are all bleeding into each other. Is the next step becoming more? You hear people talk of ascended thought or higher frequency thinking, but what if the thread that holds the limits fall away completely? Do we become a god? I already believe we are gods. We are limited only by our self imposed limits of thought. So how is it that we try so hard to hold onto what we already had and have no further need for? We are becoming gods, but we want to bring along all this baggage? I fight with this thought every day. Maybe it’s just time to throw “normal” ideas of what is and what should be out the window. Move on and yell at the light poles and ignore the onlookers who think you’re the crazy one.
Each time I close my eyes, my life changes. Manifestations of a world that is yet to come, but has already gone. Lost in the time stream, I struggle a little to find my footing each day. Each time stream shares echos of another. Fear of closing my eyes becomes a real battle. Like a beast lurking in the shadows. Waiting in the corners of my mind waiting to pounce when you least expect it. This is my cycle. This is what happens every few weeks. When it’s time to be awake, it’s life on repeat. Days wasted. Like I’m imprisoned, I want to do so much more but am confined to my little space. It really takes a toll on mental health. Stress and anxiety tend to turn to depression. Sometimes keeping the light on just feels like too much work.
You can do this.
The candle is getting shorter. Is it time to light another?
I have never wanted to move far away before, but lately it’s just like I can’t find a place far enough away. The sheets stupid, or just plain ignorant people here astounds me. Even those who I thought would fare better have left me scratching my head. It’s strange to find yourself dismissed just as fast as you were accepted. I’m not whining about feeling ignored, but just noticing that people are making sharp lines and grey has faded to either black or white. With that change, there is a fast push for instant gratification. We used to have it easily, but even the smartest and strongest are falling to a selfish longing for a return to “normal”. People complain about control and censorship. They complain of lost rights. Not one of them think about anyone other than themselves with this mindset. If the country shut down and forced everyone to stay home for 30-60 days consecutively with strict quarantine measures, the pandemic would have been over by now. We would be back to the way things were already. So to those complaining about this virus and the bullshit we’ve been dealing with, FUCK YOU! It’s your own damn fault. Everyone keeps needing to go out etc. I swear I have tried to be patient and understanding, but I’m done. I have no sympathy for your dumb ass.
Some days it’s just like talking to yourself or beating your head against the wall. You keep repeating yourself like a broken record. You repeat yourself over and over but no one listens and they say that you’re the one who’s being argumentative. When do you just give up? Do you just give up? the truth is, that no matter how true your words are they will never listen. So should you feel bad when they ignore you and what you said would happen happens? No! They just need to find out for themselves. So save your breath. You only have so many in this life.
So I still see the same theme in my dreams. A land divided, with no more reasoning and ignorance from both sides. Its not that I believe we can stop any drastic action from happening, but instead I hope to prepare those who are fearing the inevitable clash that is not going to settle anytime soon. The rift between the 2 sides of this fight refuse to yield any ground. They feel that they have already given too many allowances and are done giving anymore. Those who are in the middle and just want to live their lives in peace are stuck. They are constantly getting pulled in two directions that they don’t want to go. The friends and family that have “chosen a side” are always trying to pull them to their cause. Now more people are losing the balanced thought process that allows them to understand and negotiate a resolution, which is causing a larger rift in our current society. the ones who are still in the middle are getting caught up in the crossfire. I hear from so many who are saying how they feel there circle of friends and family are getting smaller. You would think this is a feeling we are facing due to the COVID-19 pandemic, but is from them having to separate themselves from the extremist views of both sides. The problem is perpetuated further because of the pandemic, but its not the root of the problem. We are losing, as a society the art of negotiation and communication. While the world is smaller thanks to technology, it has lost the connection from empathy.
All forms of media, including this platform I am using are separating the essential empathetic connection. People are emotive beings. while we can write words in a sequence to communicate a message, words on a medium do not emote. They can if you take time to write descriptors, but in an age of tweets and general laziness and impatience, nobody feels they have time for that. They cut it out of the communication as it is inessential to what they think the message is. People like myself cant read emotion. We can read the words you are saying, and understand a message, but we cant understand it without the key translator. that is the way you speak. Your body language, eye movements, breaths between words, and tone are completely missing from the dialogue. People may understand me better as I type out my thoughts, because I can say what I am feeling and have time to explain myself in a form that gives a picture that they miss when I speak face to face. This is because in person I am very empathic and tend to say things without the filter of time to process the better grammar formation that may say the same thing in a less abrasive way. So many think I am angry or insensitive, but its quite the opposite. I am a highly sensitive empath on top of the ASD as well as processing dimensional energy and echoes of other lives in all forms. I seem to many like I am a bit of a weirdo, spaz, or whatever other pejoratives you may use to describe someone like me. What this does is separates the feeling from the words. So in my case this is serving my feelings clearer because my overloaded emotive process is filtered down to the words I want to say. However the majority of the population arent like me. You cant understand that the emotion you feel when you read the words are your own. If you are reading something after a bad day at work or a frustrating incident, you’re going to be preprogrammed to process the words you read with that emotion. The same goes for the other feelings of love, or joy, sadness etc. no matter what you read, you process it with that emotion. So take a moment to think about what that does when you are on social media. Small tweet size messages from all sorts of different people, expressing their feelings or whatever. one after another. Memes, and other modern forms of artful communication are now added to the mix. Who is to know what that makes the communicator feel, so how is anyone else who has no experience with that image or situation will be able to process it? Now this is where the Pandemic has exacerbated the situation. More are stuck at home with our brains now trying to fill the time we used to have out socializing with some way to entertain ourselves. 25 – 30 years ago this was less likely. We weren’t addicted to the fast forms of streaming media entertainment and digital firing of our synapses. Instead we did things more active. Things that required physical interaction more that typing on a keypad. For me this is also exacerbated by a physical disability and other drastic health issues related to my Autoimmune disease. So while I want to do more, I am limited, but our children have become so steeped in this generation of tech, and feel that it is essential to life. everyone is becoming slaves to a machine driven by algorithms. we sign on to these media platforms and agree to their EULA (End User License Agreement) which gives them access to everything we do. Our feeds get filled with stuff that they want to sell, marketed in such a way to manipulate your choices by your browsing habits. Further you get pushed to decide, each decision gets less your own and more the choice you’re presented with. they use those choices to try to guide you into a category. This same process is used by politics. Special interest groups and political parties, use this same algorithm to help them swing you to their side. This is proven by this years presidential election for the United Sates of America. Republicans and Democrats alike are not here for anything other than the special interests of those who pay their campaigns. Both Parties have found ways to keep third parties out of the political field. No matter what they are still a part of the same machine. This election used fear and divisiveness to get the American voters to their side. The Democrats steal the votes from parties like the libertarian party by using messages like “don’t waste your vote on a candidate who has no chance of winning.” This works really well when you have a president who has been in office who is clearly incompetent and a privileged fascist. The Libertarians’ didn’t have a chance in this election just because nobody wanted to gamble. Those who would have voted for them but understood we could not have another four years of a trump driven government. Now this is the same for those who are semi conservative, but don’t vote. The republican party uses the fear tactic to push them out to vote. We had a record election voter turnout. Both parties leaders earned over 70 million votes each! Now that the loser of the election cant overturn the election, the media stirs the divisiveness even further. They push their ratings agenda to cause fear that someone is getting one over on the people. regardless of political party. all of this generates money etc. the one thing it also generates is resentment. Resentment on all sides. These politicians have used these tactics and stirred the pot giving a whiff to those who are poor and hungry for a piece of what they got. The security and comfort their money brings the upper class looks really good to the middle and lower class. Now like dogs we are hungry and agitated. instead of taking up arms for the ones who cause this very strong feeling of oppression, they keep the messages of fear to control their followers. some try to assure the rest that its all in control, but all they are controlling is you. Now like a dog fight, they are getting ready to release the dogs in the ring to get rich off of our blood spilled. It feels like its inescapable, but its not.
We still need to social distance. We need to wear our PPE (Personal Protective Equipment), but we need to talk to each other instead of fear each other. When I say talk I don’t mean regurgitate the bullshit fed to us online. I mean saying “Hello” and “How are you?” Check in with your friends and neighbors. Make sure they are ok or communicate if you need assistance. that small local communication on top of the separation from media, will start to build that bridge between us. I acknowledge that people like me who are further distanced due to health issues, are more Affected by this predicament. However, if we all take that time to do this we can become a great united country again. Stop waiving political flags. Put aside politics and focus on your community. When we put our focus on the big picture only, we have no chance of making change. by making the focus on the whole country, the smaller communities get left behind. This is what allows the big money, and big business keep our country from making huge changes. I’m not ignorant. I understand there are town councils and county boards and state officials, but ultimately once you get out of the local town level, everything becomes driven by the big money motivators.
2020 has been the perfect storm to push this unrest into a possible fight for a permanent or long term control by big money. We are all so blinded by the smoke and loud noise, that we cant do anything other than react. I See more people everyday losing their middle ground. Everyday more pick a side. I really think that there needs to be less picking between column A or column B, and instead tell them what we need. Instead of waiting for them to fix our problem, lets work together to remedy it. By keeping the lower classes hungry, they keep us reliant upon them. Imagine what happens when we work together to lift each other up. Everyone prospers instead of just the few. We stand strong on our own, the country stands stronger. I was happy to see so many got out to vote. I am glad everyone sees the importance of having a voice. I just more would use that voice to say what they need instead of what they’re told they need. So while social media is a great tool, it needs to be recognized its nothing more than a way to advertise. Its not news. its not good for anything other than making the ones who control it, money. The news needs to be used for a measuring stick, instead of gospel because lets face it, its there for making profit. Opinion polls are just algorithm tools. A better measure of success is to see if you and your neighbors are happy and healthy at home. If they are struggling while you’re prospering or vice versa, it means there is something unstable and imbalanced. This will ultimately cause the prosperity to dwindle. for a community to thrive, everyone must thrive in that community. So use your front porch as the measure of success. Forget the big money grabbing greedy hoarders. They will wither and fall away, allowing the top heavy country become more secure and stable.
You can only change the world if you start in your own backyard.
It’s odd how things happen. As I have been online sharing my journeys with everyone, I still am being pushed to build the temple. While things don’t feel right to build where I live currently, there has suddenly been opportunities to go to other places. This brought me an idea of maybe making the temple first into a traveling one. Like the Christian missionaries. I could get a small RV or camper of some sort, and travel to different locations for different events. In travels find where it feels right to lay down roots. Today presented an opportunity to venture into big sky country. Lots of land up in Montana with glorious space for many to gather. A place to share knowledge and wisdom. A place to learn and grow. Who am I to question the path before me?
As I get the push each time, it comes with greater force. As if they lay it right before me. Like a bowl of food, laid down before a blind dog. The only one procrastinating is myself. As I find obstacles, they seem to then crumble before long. So it’s the will of the gods that I do this. I will hope to bring greatness and glory to them. This task can not be completed on my own. I will need to assemble my “raiding party” if you will. Those who wish to join in this journey. Who out there feels it’s fated to you to quest with this old dog? While it’s not a Viking raid, it is a quest that will draw blood in a sense. I lay no claim to greatness, but I do stand before you all to lead. I do not command, but instead lead by example. I carry the torch to light the way. I am looking for those who wish to forge the way with me. To cast the iron and sew the fields. Instead of spreading the barbarity of old, we will show those who seek our truth how to find their own. Stand at their backs to defend from what they can not see. Shield them from the hardships that come at them like an arrow to the heart. Ride with them so they don’t travel alone. We will raise a drink to their victories, and sing of their triumphs. When they fall, we shall send them off on their journey with the glory they deserve.
While I talk with poetry, I want you to understand this is no jest. I will raise a temple. I will bring a place for pagan, polytheistic, and just spiritual kind, together. The goal is to build a better future through understanding. it will happen because it’s the will of the gods. It will happen because it is the will of the people. It will happen because I will it so. I have seen it. I have heard it in lifetimes before.
Many people know the saying that “knowledge is power”, but why do so many disregard wisdom of knowledge. Knowing what is, differs greatly from knowing what you’re told or heard. We also have heard the term “seeing is believing” yet hallucinations can ravage ones mind. What is to say that hallucinations are not just a glimpse through a perception window between realities? Because some can not understand this reality because they can not perceive it creates doubt. Doubt caused them to make a conclusion on what they perceive. What if people who suffer from mental illness like dementia or schizophrenia, or similar behavioral disorders are just seeing something different that others can’t explain? That would be a huge can of worms to open.
Throughout time, man has used shared knowledge as a source of education. They write books of words for people to read, but not everyone who reads them gains knowledge. Some people have the ability to read a book and visualize a great story. While others get lost in the details. Some can go through a math text and unlock the universe, while some can’t count change back to a customer. Does it make a difference to which one is “sane?” Probably not, but we don’t apply this to people who are labeled with a behavioral disorder because as far as we’ve been told they don’t qualify as sane. I would like to ask why we do this? I am considered sane, yet I get visions. Not hallucinations, but visions. Some are my subconscious sending signals and messages of things my conscious mind doesn’t perceive. I get told they are wild day dreams etcetera, but I see them as reality. So why can’t we accept the idea that those who are “hallucinating” are just perceiving their reality?
We have been told over lifetimes what to think. We were told what is real. When those who see through it question it, they are insane heretical thinkers. Look at books people believe. The Bible is clearly written by men. It was used to push a power agenda to conquer the world. Christian based religion is one of the most violent religions in history. It’s not the only one in anyway. I myself can’t say I’m religious. I went to church as a kid and got what I needed from it. As I grew older and read more, I noticed that the majority of beliefs that were considered pagan were actually some of the most relatable. Some still used wrath of the gods stories, but always to justify a power play. However, If you look at the basis of practices they were the most sustainable people to live. Understanding balance of living with nature. Their reasoning for certain practices like sacrifice were misunderstood. It was to gain the favor of the gods for bountiful crops. Yet today we still do this, but it’s called composting and soil building. This is why we don’t need to sacrifice people or animals to the gods anymore. Someone explained the science of it and wrote it in books for farmers and gardeners. Realistically they were giving back to the earth. Now we have people who don’t heed the science, and over farm, over fish, trophy hunt, etc.
People who believe we are more than animals are more of a virus anymore. They spread and use up everything to sustain themselves. Those who are like animals at least understand that the more mouths you feed the hungrier you get. The food doesn’t go as far. Polygamy in any religion is the most ignorant selfish act. They are like a super virus. Because they don’t just have 12-18 kids with one partner, but with multiple partners. All because a book written by a man said this is how to gain strength through god. This is why I find those who are religious to be some of the most ignorant people. They take the false information made in a fictional book and follow it as gospel truth. They defend that belief with a ferociousness. I want to say that I have no personal grievance towards these people, but instead I appreciate them for their dedication to a belief. I just wish it was a different belief. They just grew up being told that this was truth. The word of god. Really though it’s the words of men.
A slave was useful until they are educated. A woman was useful until she was educated. Those in power knew that if they wanted to control them, they had to create an Idea that this was the will of something great that if angered would bring terrible things upon them. When they wanted to prove this they would tell stories. Those stories get transcribed and spread like a bad STD. Rewriting history in the vision of those who wanted to hold control. When dictators take over a land, they burn anything that contradicts what they want people to believe. I remember watching people burning books or steam rolling albums, because it was a message they didn’t like. Now you have a huge movement called Qanon Using totally false claims and propaganda to stir fear in the same people who blindly follow “holy scriptures” and believe every meme posted on social media. Again it’s controlled fear as a weapon.
Accountability is a word in the dictionary anymore. It’s no longer a value we teach in society. Our own use of trends have changed how the world is shaping. The constant ability to make a mess for someone else to clean up. Let the slaves farm the fields. Let the women cook and clean and serve the man of the house. Cut down a Forrest and leave the razed earth for someone else to fix. Sell a plastic replacement and leave someone else to dispose of the mess. It’s not a single person or group, but every one of us. We can say “it’s not my fault!” Really though it is. Our pursuit for our identity and success leaves a mark. I know I piss people off all the time. Some will read this and be so offended that I will become an enemy in their mind. The thing is that I acknowledge my faults. I try every day to change. I make decisions every minute to make my life of waste and abuse into one of healing. All I can do is try to make better choices. Sacrifice some convenience. Share what I have learned. Yes knowledge is power. What will your power bring you? Will you buy a big house and fancy car and live a lavish life of convenience, or will you try to make a real change to creat a better future? One of balance. One that we aren’t leaving for our children and grandchildren are left cleaning up.
Again I’m not hating on anyone with these statements. I’m just trying to share my perspective. This is my reality. It’s all over the place like trying to create fine art with a shotgun, but step back and see if something comes to light.
Last night brought me to a strange area. It looked like a lot of homes I saw in skull valley. Modest houses on a larger property. However there was water behind the property. A lot of my circle of friends and acquaintances I have been in contact with here in Arizona were there. While the overall experience was peaceful there were a few things that caused concern.
I struggled to be able to use a bathroom, and this caused a great unease for me. Something so basic posed challenges. Everyone else was unaware that things were getting dangerous. They instead focused on getting back to the way things were. Falling into old ways that were not working before, and were improbable of being of use now. This did not dissuade them from doing them anyway. Plumbing issues plagued the home. Wood frame of the house rotting. Meanwhile the children were outside playing in the tall brown grasses. Adults who still behave like children were using faulty vehicles, including a small single engine plane. None was hurt, but I couldn’t ignore the state of everything. They new everything needed to be fixed, but no one made any effort to do so. It was like they were waiting for someone else to come in and make everything better. Help never came.
I start leaking blood and other waste out of my ass. I continue to fall apart internally regardless of the effort to change things. Everyone is blind to the obvious internal hemorrhaging that was taking place. I can’t find help. No doctors will help. I can’t cut myself open to make the repairs. As I feel lost I realize that nothing changes as long as everyone chooses to be indifferent about everything. I stand and stomp my left foot throwing my arms side and scream a primal scream. I look to the sky and see a cloud form over me. Rain starts to fall and wind blows hard. In front of me yet again is Odin. He asks me what is all the noise is about. I tell him that everyone is doing nothing to help themselves, and those like myself who are trying to change are unable to make forward momentum. He laughs and turns to look at everything before us. He tells me “that is what it’s like to be a shepherd among the sheep. No matter how hard you try, they’re just lambs. Beasts to serve a purpose of sacrifice for the higher being. They eat, shit, breed, and die. They never have an inkling of a thought outside there base instinct. You’re trying to turn a beast to something more, and all you’re doing is tearing yourself up trying to perform miracles. It’s best to sit back and let them do as they wish. “At best you can hope foe a lovely sweater or a meal, but a sheep isn’t a surgeon. It can’t because it’s incapable of the knowledge or the power to do so. Instead ease your mind and accept their fate. Stay warm with a warm wool blanket and feast on a great meal. In the end, that’s all you can do.”
I wake from my dream to find myself wondering why the allfather was so dismissive of everyone and everything. I thought he wanted me to make people see, but now he tells me they never will. Eventually others in the house wake up. My wife and father in law turn on the tv to check the election status. Still no answers but I knew that would be the case. I’ve predicted the outcome to this previously. I’ve predicted everything so far. What stood out was that with the polls swing blue, the red cry’s foul. The people start thinking that this new leader is going to make it all better, but realistically nothing will change. Everyone starts falling into the lulling whispers that things are going to change, but again it’s just a whisper. Change starts at home. I’ve said this so many times. There will be more violence. There will be more death. It’s perpetual. If a change is to happen you have to scrap the whole plan and build a new one from the ground up. Lay a strong foundation and strong framework. The inner workings must be constantly observed and maintained. With moving parts, any miscalculation can cause catastrophic problems, then we’re all in shit.
We know now our house is not in order. We know there are major problems that need to be fixed. Let’s not ignore them and continue to let ourselves bleed out. Diagnose and repair the immediate threats and work towards making healthier decisions. You can’t change some things overnight. Problems this seriously fucked up take a lot of time and constant supervision and care before we can heal these wounds.
I keep seeing my grandparents on my mother’s side. They’ve been dead for years, but they’re always around. Lately a lot of that family that has passed on has been coming to me. Sharing things that I never saw before. So many old traditions that are carried in the blood. My grandfather’s family goes back through England and Holland and Denmark. My grandmother’s family is deep in Scotland. While a lot of them had turned to Christianity, they still did lots of old world traditions. Today so few realize that their traditions are heavily tempered in pagan beliefs. M as my hid the fact that they had abilities to do magical things. Today a lot of it falls under empathy and what many like myself are very empathic. The call to nature and the earth runs deep. Hunting and farming were the way of life. While not too many of my family farm anymore, quite a few still hunt.
I remember going to my family’s places in Godfrey. While there were a few hunting trophies, they hunted for food and furs. They still did a lot of trapping. Often I would be seeing the skins of animals being stretched out and hung about the basement. Family barbecues often featured venison. Fish fry’s were another popular gathering. Especially with the bullheads. Everyone drinking and eating. Usually there were card games and horseshoes. I never knew then how much I would miss that now. I’m sure that I’d why I am seeing so many of the ones who passed now. My spirit is calling to them. When I see them they are always at a separate table from those who are still here. My cousin Laura who I haven’t seen in decades, was trying to talk to her mom, but Couldn’t hear what her mom was saying. Uncle Lorne was just watching everyone with a big smile. it saddens me to wake sometimes from these dreams. I know we will see each other again eventually.
Today as I sat pondering all of my familial journeys, I noticed that even though they come in pieces it’s kind of a fluid state of being. I can communicate more with them, and in turn the pictures come while I’m awake too. Sometimes it makes me question if I’m here or there. I go through the veil so easily anymore, that I barely notice the difference. I look around and see the physical world, but like a signal on a channel that’s not quite coming in on the antenna, the others are bleeding through. Smells, sounds,etc. it’s still nerve wracking at times, but it’s getting easier. Especially as I embrace my true self more. I no longer care if people joke about my fortune cookie wisdom, or overly dramatic tones of painted words. This is me, and make no apologies for it.
I’m sure tonight will be another adventure. I spent the day with two very boastful deities and a quiet loa. Today Legba sat back and listened to the others with me. In the mid of it, it started to rain a little.
So as I am getting tired now, I am going to say goodnight, and I will see you again soon.