conduits

My temple

It’s a little difficult to feel “normal” these days. While I have a lot of issues, my world does not stop. I have been spending more time at my fires, lighting the way for the additional flux of spirits crossing. I have often thought that what I deal with is only related to me. If I am feeling overwhelmed, then I must have done something to create that? Then I am reminded that its not even about me. I am just here to keep the fires lit, and the path clear for the energy travelling between the realms.

I had a few times that I was already in bed and trying to sleep, when I become overwhelmed and have to go out and start a fire. in todays medicine, therapists would tell me I’m self perpetuating anxieties. I would be given another pill for anxiety, and billed another $250 and rescheduled to come back and do it again next week. That only helps the therapists and doctors, not me. What they don’t understand is that there is no off switch. There’s no “regular hours of operation” for me. If there’s energy to process, I have to deal with it right away. Not processing that energy causes a tremendous amount of stress. Living with Lupus, that stress manifests into an array of physical ailments.

I know a lot of answers I go looking for I already know. So why do I go seeking help? Is it help I am seeking, or is it just validation? I go out and look for people to share thoughts with, and almost always I am guarded. My early programming tells me I must be crazy, or I’m mentally unstable. It tells me I don’t go up to people and share what I am dealing with, because then I will be put somewhere to be “treated” and nobody will believe me. The problem I then run into is that I created a doubt in the minds of those who may understand. They see me as having less of an ability then I have. That problem means that when I speak, they take my words as they would take those of a child. I don’t let that bother me though. I learned long ago that people hear what they want. I can tell someone that I see someone perched on top of an elephant carrying a torch and spear, and they are here to warn you not to take from the garden of sickness or you shall fall to a dark force that will take your heart! What they take from that ends up being, “wow! This crazy mother fucker is seeing elephants and monsters and shit. He is off his meds or something!” Then they continue to march their fat ass into MacDonald’s to eat another 3000 calorie pile of shit for lunch. I did my job. I told them. If they chose to hear something other than, “take better care of yourself because you’re on your way to a heart attack”, that’s on them.

So why do I bother? Do I feel I’m crazy? Of course! I constantly question my sanity. I often ask myself if I am just having an overactive imagination, or am I really getting visions? What I found though, is that I am sane and just have a unique way to access other knowledge. I take the things I sense, and examine them. What do they represent? What does this have to do with conduits?

Everything, and nothing because I am the conduit in this story.

What I do and What I am are not all I am. I am a friend, brother, son, father, grandson, grandfather. I’m the friend who always genuinely wanted to be with you. I’m the guy who always made sure you were safe. I’m the one who really wants you to be happy. I am here to walk with you on your journey so you know you’re not alone. So what am I looking for? We all have something we want to achieve? My achievements are and always have been attainable and simple things to pass the time. Maybe they help someone, or maybe they are just something to be pondered. Regardless it’s not my place to be something more than what I am. I’m in the simplest explanation, a conduit. A bridge from one form of energy to another. A link between realities. I don’t in anyway perform tricks, or call up dead folks on an invisible phone. I can intend to guide a path but it’s like putting a rock in a stream. It may do something, or nothing at all. The real measure of the success or failure is whether the action helped the person feel better.

I Spend more time away from people not because of the great risk this pandemic is for somebody with a compromised immune system, but instead because I have a heavy workload already dealing with the constant flow of energy. I am not a shaman to be trendy in the age of “new age” (really ancient ways). I don’t do it for likes in the insta-lifestyles of the validation seeking sea of people today. I hate social media but understand its a tool to be used. I just am a shaman because my spirit came home again after I crossed the veil myself a few times. As a shaman, I don’t seek payment for services. I don’t want to take your money to support my hippie lifestyle. I am a shaman because that’s what the universe set out for me. So many “lightworkers” are only in it for the accolades. I just want to get a good nights sleep and genuinely help. If I help someone and they choose to give me a token of appreciation, I am grateful. I don’t, however spend my time trying to make money off of playing with peoples beliefs. This isn’t me calling all lightworkers wrong, fake, or dishonest. Its me saying to take them for what they are. They are people trying to make it in a world doing what they enjoy. There’s not one damn thing wrong with that! I just wish they would stop trying to make themselves something they aren’t. You can be a shamanic practitioner and use techniques real shaman use, but the tools do not make you a shaman. I hate to use the name shaman, because it is a title that is to be given by the people of the tribe. Its not one given by your own hand. I don’t go introducing myself as a Shaman, I’m just Brad. Nice to meet you!

In today’s world, people measure their happiness on others. They use another person’s life as a guide to success. They look for affirmation through social media likes. Maybe they measure it mathematically by the numbers that appear in a bank account. Instead I’m offering a different perspective to happiness. What if you did something for no reason but to make you happy? Some do it all the time, but then they decide to post up on twitfaceogram, and they get judgment. They want approval even though they already had happiness. Now that happiness is marred with troll spit, and bullshit. Maybe just be happy with what you have. Don’t seek approval from anyone else. Your approval is all you need. I know it sounds like hippy bullshit, but is it really?

I’m not saying anything new. It’s already been said. It’s already been done. I’m just here to repeat the message, and point in a direction. Is it the right direction? I don’t know, but let’s check it out together.

S.O-

Close the door behind you

If there’s one thing my wife will attest to, is that I have a hell of a time closing doors. Bathroom, pantry, cupboard, drawers too. Every night sitting down to dinner, her and the children are following behind me closing everything. Sometimes she plays the mother role to me as well, making me turn around and. Hit the cupboard. Needless to say I was sent a teacher to teach me a lesson about open doors. I still am suffering the consequences of my bad habit.

Several weeks ago I started having this old Haitian man saying things in my ear. He wasn’t just in my subconscious mind, but he would manifest in the conscious one as well. I came to find out he’s not just some random spirit, but a Lwa. Papa Legba started showing up sending me visions while I was awake. Papa Legba is great spirit that grants or denies passage through to the other side. As I’m being taught by him now, the consequences of opening doors and not closing them.

I found out a few weeks ago, my first lesson. I did my ritual that day, calling on Papa Legba to open a specific set of doors to very unspecific places. I went into those places with open ended questions and open invitation to anyone. I got no real answers, but some cool stories. One of which involved a piece of the sky falling. The thing was I forgot to thank the spirits and send the back, as well as forgetting to thank Papa Legba while asking him to close the doors again. My night was so insane that I went back out and finished the ritual at sunrise, almost begging instead of asking for him to close the door.

The next week I missed doing my ritual due to a bad migraine day. Sophisticated week I get extra offerings to make up for missing last weeks appointment. I again set my altar and go start the ritual to open up a single door this time, with specific place and people. Well again I get interrupted and I forget to close the ritual. Again this morning I was outside closing a ritual that should have been done before I left to make dinner. Closing the ritual only takes a few moments to thank the spirits and the gate keeper, and shut the damn door, but no. I like a dumbass got distracted again.

I don’t want to complain because I spent the night talking with so many loved ones I didn’t want to get up. It was overstimulating though. I woke in such an anxiety attack I didn’t even remember what I was doing. After a while of it not letting up my sister came through clear as a bell. In that moment I realized what I had done. I closed the ritual and wrote in my notes to not forget again.

The point of all this, is to share my experience with you on the importance of following ritual and not “winging it”. Ritual is taught to help everyone avoid these pitfalls of doing something improperly or incomplete. It’s like making a pie and forgetting the sugar. Trust me on that one too, NOBODY will let you forget it. So take the time to prepare. Take the time to pay attention to all the details. So in short, if you open a for, close it when you’re done.

Everyone wants to charge for information but I’m providing information for free because if I can help just one person understand something a little clearer, than I help the whole world. Balancing the scales as it were. I believe in order for this world to heal, we need to provide EVERYONE who wants to improve their lives or enrich it, then EVERYONE needs access, not just those who have the money to pay for it. Mind you if you want to show your appreciation, I will gladly accept it, but I’m just going to put it into the temple and it’s mission of providing for all. I know I will have friends be angry with me for sharing everything, but they will still love me and support me. That’s why they’re friends.

Thank you for spending a little time with me today. Remember to stay true to your path, and always lead with love and keep balance in all things.

Until next time.

Snowy Owl

The new Gods

As I have seen in my life, religion is an antiquated idea used anymore as a tool to leverage ones personal goals and political agendas. It serves no semblance of what it supposedly was to be in its origins.

As a child, I went to church. Not by choice of course, but because I was told I had to. The church I went to though was pretty good as I remember it. There was no preaching of fear, xenophobia, politics, just the basic ideals of being a good person. There was scripture read of course, but I have no memories of someone telling me I would burn in hell. But it made no sense to me that there was this one old dude up in the sky to save us all. I believed there was more to it that nobody else seemed to understand.

Why do so many religions talk of these beings and expect them to deliver us from our mundane lives? Why did they not look at everything as god? Why couldn’t a tree, or a rock be god? To me it made just as much sense. I tried to figure out why if god created us in his image, then why were there so many people looking so different and why are there women? I mean seriously it was the most contradictory shit I had heard. I felt that there was more I needed to understand, but I didn’t get answers from anyone who claimed to have authority on said belief systems.

I had this idea that we dreamed of gods. We create them in our minds and bring life to them in our hearts. We share their stories with our words. So does this not make us gods? In that idea, are we not gods of the gods? We dream into existence, therefore without us there is no existence? These ideas can get you pretty twisted. I tried to learn from many different religions I came across. The thing I found in many that seemed to carry a little light for me to follow. In the root of most belief systems comes down to love but the rest of the stuff was just self preservation and fear driven order. Well I was good with the idea of love, the rest was all just political bullshit. The stories created by men, to justify themselves in positions of power to do as they will. The concept was not exclusive to the monotheistic religions, but into the polytheistic ones as well. It came down to those leading the groups. It was all political bullshit for personal gains.

I gave up on it all and quickly dismissed everyone and everything that had anything to do with indoctrination. I followed nobody but my own heart. It secluded me though. I still had my dreams. I still had this ability to feel energy around me. To understand the world around me. The rocks, trees, water, animals, everything I felt connected to. So all this made me do was to feel alone because nobody seemed to get it.

I started getting dreams where I was visited by these gods I read about. They were all coming to me asking me to help them see. I dismissed it as weird dreams. Soon though my eyes opened. All 3 of them. I started getting mass downloads that feel as if there’s no end. I started hearing a single voice. An old creole man. Talking half creole and half English. He opened the gates wide in my mind. I noticed similarities between us. My use of a cane, my likeness for treats, coffee, and smoke. Both of us in the same location of the crossroads. I found how to talk to him and I asked for help to understand. My fire was the busiest it’s ever been that night. Today I will go talk to him again. This time with the sun high in the sky. It was setting the last time. Turns out he prefers the sunshine while I’m allergic to it. Small price to pay for knowledge though.

I know I just flipped the narrative from past to present, but it’s because I’m still traveling on this journey. However now I know I have stories to tell. I already shared a short one about a painted sky. It came Saturday night. Sunday morning we had a meteor come ripping through causing all sorts of madness. I shared it on my other social media accounts. The others I’m still writing down.

The point of this post is to be the one to tell you, a lot of people have it wrong. There’s a kinship between a lot of the religions. The things that separate them is language and understanding. Think of it as something that speaks only in images and metaphors. It leaves so much to interpretation. The problem is it leads to misunderstanding, and greedy weaker people using it as a weapon to take the strength of the weaker minds. Don’t be so quick to dismiss things. Instead take time to understand it in your own way. Only can you know something by spending the time with it, as to truly understand.

Hate is taught by man, fear is learned by ignorance.

Love and compassion comes from time and understanding the deeper connection

Snowy Owl

Bon journée

This past weekend I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. There’s all sorts of chaos and energy going on. I tried my best to spend time at our pagan perspectives nonprofit table at the healing psychic fair. I showed up around noon to just try to be present. There wasn’t a lot of people showing up. Probably because it was a beautiful day and everyone was getting spring fever. I noticed with all the practitioners there, they all seemed to be in good spirit regardless of the turnout. The strongest thing I noticed was my fellow leaders of our group were distracted. There’s issues that were being dealt with in the community that were bringing some very dark energy. There was many discussions with multiple friends. I felt completely confident though that it would pass. I noticed I’ve been reassuring many of their space and security. Then I had to leave to take my wife home for some food. Amore actually came to show support and got a reading as well as a reiki session. So when she said she was hungry I said farewell to my friends and left.

Later that night I started hearing zydeco music as well as tribal drums. I’ve heard the drums before because so many cultures have a strong connection with drums in their origins, but the zydeco music was new. It’s come into my head as an ear worm. Maybe some dr John song in my head etcetera. Then the energy got dark and strange. I started getting messages and when I shared them I typed it out how it sounded in my head. Then the messages were coming in loud and very creole. I speak French and it gives me a good starting off point to help with the creole. I was being communicated to strongly by some creole man. A bit older in a big hat who was very direct. He mentioned a name I never heard of before. He said Erzurie had plans or something for me. I decided I needed to relax because I was getting all worked up. I took a shower and smoked a bowl before going to lay in bed and listen to music. My wife came in and we were talking about the day’s events, and her being curious decided to look up the name Ezurie that I mentioned. Now I don’t do that, because my responsibilities as a shaman is to be in the moment ants not assume translation or insight to any messages. They’re not for me, but this was different because this guy was talking directly to me. So she finds out that Exurie is a spirit in Haitian beliefs. A loa. I thought it was interesting because I keep getting messages of unity, strength, and love, and here’s this loa who is a spirit of love apparently. So again I laugh at myself and my sanity, thinking how I keep getting dirties and such just showing up in my life like a neighbor stopping in for a cup of tea. All night this guy keeps showing up talk my ear off. The more he’s talking, the more I feel I need to go to New Orleans. I’ve always wanted to, but never have. It gets stronger until 2 days later I decided I would look up and see how much it might cost for us to take a little vacation to the big easy. Me being me looked up New Orleans travel for the magically inclined. Third spot down there’s that name again, Exurie. This doesn’t get anymore clear as to what I have to do. I mean the last time messages and synchronicities were this strong was when I woke from a conversation with Odin to 2 ravens outside my window yelling at me. So here I am now planning a trip to New Orleans with my wife.

I don’t know what’s in store next, but there are huge things coming. Shifts have been happening and roles are changing in the community. I’m being pushed into this so hard but I’m accepting it. It’s exciting and crazy. My vision of community and ripples is still there, just a few key roles have changed. I’m curious to see what I find in New Orleans and where it takes us next.

I love sharing my journey with you all. I will keep you updated.

Peace on your journey

~ Snowy Owl ~

Knowledge from the past

Like a perennial flower each spring I get a blast from the past. The sun returning in its strength, my body prepares for the death of the year when the sun travels further away in the fall. Like the trees grow strong then later wither, so does my physical body. With the return of the sun and the building light energy, I get a visit from a past life. Of them all, each has a poignancy to the challenges to come for this year’s events. This year I went back to my time of Northern Africa and a time of many wars between neighbors and a sickness that took from all sides enough souls to devastate whole societies.

I was young in the village when I joined the hunting parties. Our people were going through a tough season. We had not seen rain in a while. Our crops were failing and we had to search for clean water sources, as well as increase the amount we had to hunt to feed the tribe. with water and food in high demand, many battles with other tribes over hunting grounds increased. I was hunting with one of the other men in the tribe. We were lucky and found a source of water but it was also found by another group. We got pinned behind a rock trying to avoid spears and rocks being thrown at us. The man I was hunting with became panicked and scared. He was shouting for them to stop. We would leave in peace. The other men would not stop and were vicious with their attacks. Being only about 12 years of age at the time, I was smaller than this other man who was maybe 18-20 he caved to his fear and grabbed me and threw me to the ground beside the rock and ran scared off to an area in some tall grass. As I tried to get back to my feet I was taken by the other hunters. They beat me furiously and yelling in their language that it was their spot and death would come to any who came upon it.

I was kicked and slapped senseless. I felt a sharp pain in my belly. I had been pierced by a spear and my stomach cut open. My insides falling to the ground. Then with a hatred and ferocity the biggest of the other hunters smashed my head with a large rock. I was killed and then placed on the rock we were hiding behind as a warning to any who came upon the area.

This memory teaches me that not always are we safe even with our own people. Fear and desperation are powerful motivators. In an instant people you know can use you to advance their own selfishness. Instead of being too scared to stand together to face our attackers or finding safety together, overcome your fears. Even if you fall, fall helping your people. Be more than yourself. Keep your eyes open for dangers out in the world, but don’t forget to watch for the poisonous snake in your own garden.

Support your neighbors, and remember that tides raise all ships equally.

~Snowy Owl

The almighty like button

There’s always something that keeps us from doing what we want. I keep trying to sit and put a cohesive piece of literature together. It’s difficult with animals vying for your attention along with random spirit energies passing through. Add mundane life to that with kids, school, sports, jobs, boyfriends, girlfriends. Etc. it’s hard to form anything resembling a thought. Now let’s add health issues that have you in chronic pain and exhausted all the time. It’s a miracle one doesn’t collapse under the weight. My saving grace is my family. They know the obstacles and understand completely. They are amazing how they just figure out life’s little hurdles. It allows me to focus on the things they don’t see. Sometimes they will ask who the visit was, or what’s going on with the animals, but if there’s something they can do to help, they’re on top of it. Tonight I’m getting a lot of crazy things being told to me. How history is being rewritten and news altered. That it’s not just something on tv or a movie, but it’s happening right now in this world.

We all know the Bible was written by men in search of control through fear. It’s interpreted by men with their own agenda as well before sharing to the flock. The term that clearly tells you they think of you as sheep. But this isn’t me attacking religion tonight. Tonight I’m sharing a vision I had while I was fighting a spirit that had a hold of me and nearly dragged me down to deaths embrace. People are trying to create in real life, all the events in movies and video games that are saturated into society. Using religion as a spear to clear the path for any who oppose. Their true purpose lay in a pit of greed. They have no concern of the world after they leave it. Instead it’s just going to be another day another dollar. Women are trying to be heard, but are fighting the wrong battles. It’s not about gender. It’s about legal tender. Politics are becoming the new scud Missiles . Religion is the shield to hide behind. The poor pay the ultimate price, while the rich sacrifice pennies. Sick being denied a hope of a better day. No one will save you. You have to fend for yourself. Mother Earth is sick but we can’t help her. It will return to the beasts. Then in another time it all dies. Water gone. Air gone. Life gone. Is it too late? Probably! I will continue my mission, but I see the activists doing everything for the social media and not because it’s right or wrong, but because they want to be loved and look like a good person. Meanwhile wherein material formulated from petroleum products and refined plastics. No worries though as they’re wearing beads, stones and yoga pants, so they must be genuine!? The gods have spoken but nobody listens. Tonight I sleep, and tomorrow we say goodbye to the cybernet road.

The Thaw

It’s been a little crazy for me the past few months. I’ve been dealing with other people’s problems while trying to make progress with my own issues. I can’t stress enough how much one toxic person can make your life very difficult. Even though we sent them out of our home in September, we still had her in our lives daily. We were trying hard to keep her daughter safe, but now she’s back to that same environment and it’s no longer in our hands. I hold space for the child still but I no longer hold space for the adults in that relationship. I mean they’re 50 and 44. They should have grown up by now. I’ve asked the universe and the spirits to help guide the child through rough waters and comfort her when she’s weary. We have reclaimed our home and I will be doing a major cleansing this week to get the last of the bad energy out.

The holidays were very good. I got to share food, drink , and merriment with my community. I got to see my mother for the first time in 10 years. It was hard to have the visit, because we both have gotten older, and know the time together is more precious and few. While my mother is still the same battle axe she always was, I saw a new side of her. She got to spend time with our kids for the first time. She was sweet to them. She reminded she was a little reserved, but it was her first visit. It’s hard because our relationship has been strong, but tough as well. She, as most mothers, installed my triggers. There were only a few times though that those triggers were pulled in the visit, but I am a different person now. I recognize the queue, and take the time to not let it get me fired up. What I was unable to do was keep those triggers pulled by the unexpected people. I lost my cool in a Best Buy. I purchased a new blue tooth stereo for our oldest daughters car. It was to be installed by them as well. I showed up with receipt in hand and they refused to give me the merchandise. This was after I showed up to find the installer was half in the bag and the bay smelled like a brewery. The manager asked me to leave before he called the police. I told him to call the police. I had a receipt for goods purchased, and he wasn’t releasing said goods. I stormed back to the bay to find it locked. I knocked and no answer. I thought the installer was around the corner drinking more so I knocked harder on the door and broke the window. I couldn’t believe it. It was the reinforced glass that’s not supposed to break like that. The guy was in the bathroom and when I got inside I found he had already pulled the dash all apart. So now I’m just wanting to get out, but I have to wait for the guy to put it back together. I would not let him drive the car out of the bay because he had clearly been drinking. I left and was so out of sorts and worked up I spent a few days in bed from the stress. Now they want me to pay for the window and I still don’t have the stereo or installation I already paid for. So while I did very well keeping my cool while I was with mom, I had a very bad blow up in public.

The other stressor that came up is this ordeal in Iran. Our son is in the navy, and our president is starting wars. I don’t care what his supporters say, I have met the man and he is a first class piece of shit. That was long before his presidency. Now our boy was unable to be home for holidays. You expect that there will be times your military members will miss out, but in no way is it easy to accept. Especially when the president is launching air strikes and starting a war. You worry. Not knowing when you will see your child again or by the gods ever see them again. You just hold hope for your reunion and ask for their safe return.

There’s more to deal with as our old jack Russell terrier is almost 20! He’s not in pain, but he’s having the issues you expect from a 20 year old dog. I’m always with him. Cleaning after him, and comfortable. It’s not something you would find difficult, but it wears you down. I would never put a dog down because they’re causing an inconvenience. they are as much family as our own children.

Needless to say I’m tired. I’ve been tired. I feel tired and weak. Like a beat that missed hibernation. Very little time to rest however; because life still goes on. We still go on. I am not complaining. I live a fortunate life. I am blessed and loved. I have no needs keeping me from happiness.

I am, as always grateful for my life, and will continue to be better.

delusional thinking

It can drive you mad trying to help people who won’t help themselves. They ask for help, so you give it. Then the abuse takes over. They make no attempt to move forward. Everyday is another excuse. It’s never their fault. It’s always you that’s the problem or someone else who is making their life so hard. It wasn’t their fault they rolled the car on the interstate driving with a .19 blood alcohol level. It was the guy speeding by them. It isn’t their fault that their addiction and driving impaired that their daughter could have died, but instead only had a broken arm and now suffers PTSD. it’s not their fault that their relationship didn’t work. It’s the other person who was having a relationship with someone else who wasn’t abusing them emotionally. It’s not their fault they can’t get work. Instead it’s the employer and their ridiculous expectations of sobriety in the work place. It’s not their fault they’re homeless. It’s the people being unreasonable about letting you break the rules of the house and being upset about being attacked. I mean what’s the big deal if you smoke in their daughters room when they don’t allow smoking in the house. What’s the big deal? They are so unreasonable just because they had to throw our their daughters bed because you spilled booze and food all over it and it smells like a dirty ashtray. It’s not their fault they feel persecuted because the state they had the accident in and arrested them is now hunting for them because of their failure to appear for their court date. It’s only an aggravated DUI, and child endangerment cause. They will get there when they can, and the courts and police can just wait until they’re ready.

I might be a little facetious, but I can’t deal with narcissists and their bullshit.

Stop making excuses

Stop ruining everyone’s lives

Get your shit together

stop trying to paint everyone with a brush of deceit.

Life is as hard as YOU make it.

Today we drew the line that this person wouldn’t. we put her things out in the driveway and locked the doors. If they don’t pick their stuff up in 30 days, it’s going to goodwill and I will never deal with them again.

What the experience taught me is I can’t hold everyone to the same standard I held myself. I overcame my addiction and moved forward. I can’t expect those who would rather drown than accept help. It’s taught me that there are relationships that I need to let go of before they poison my well.

I pray that the universe shines a little brighter for those that are blind to their own decisions, so they can heal

Tracks in the snow

I’ve been spending a lot of time travelling around my memories. They flood over me whether I want to remember or not. Memories of cold wet socks, hot chocolate, bags of mixed fruit, and Christmas music. I remember going out in a field and trying to help my dad cut down a Christmas tree. My youngest brother wasn’t born yet. I remember coming home and feeling a little dead inside. Here it was almost Christmas, and I just felt sad and empty. The thing is I still didn’t understand my emotions let alone the confusion of being an empath. I helped decorate the tree in our little mobile home. I remember the only comfort I found was curling up under the tree and feeling calm. The smell of pine sap was potent. I would talk with what I saw as people in the wall. Or walls were the wood paneling that was everywhere in the 70’s. I remember all of a sudden seeing a memory of a young family. Living in a small log cabin. Mother and child bundled up by the fire while the father was out gathering more wood. He had been out hunting. He had a couple rabbits he caught hanging off a branch of a tree by the small cabin. They felt cold and hungry. After the last armful of wood was brought in, he grabbed the rabbits and finished cleaning them. He hands them to the woman and goes back outside. He had a concern over a noise in the trees. When he goes out he sees blood in the snow underneath the trees he heard the noise. There’s nothing he can see for tracks other than rabbit tracks that suddenly stop where the blood was. He looks up to find a large owl in the tree. The owl just watches him. He feels fear watching the bird. He hurried back to the cabin, to warm up. He tells his wife about the strange large bird he saw in the trees. He explains he never saw anything like it. It was huge and he said it made him feel like death was watching.

I’m awakened by my mother who tells me to go to bed. It was all a dream. I remember looking out my window at the snow on the ground. The yard seems bright between the moon and the porch light reflecting off the snow. I tell my friends in the wall about my dream then fell asleep. The next morning I wake up feeling better. No longer feeling empty.

Then I’m back to my childhood again. This time I’m in a Christmas parade in the town of lyndhurst. I was with my Boy Scout cub pack carrying a flag. Again wet cold feet are a thing. We finish the short parade and all of a sudden we’re at the Tye family’s place. We are all sledding and playing in the snow. Going in for hot chocolate and warming up.

Next I’m 12 and smelling electric fire. I run upstairs from my basement bedroom to find everyone is still asleep. There’s no fire but it’s coming. I frantically look for where it’s coming from. I find a Christmas light short that’s melting the wires and is wrapped around a wooden Santa Claus decoration. I unplug it and take it out the front door, but enter into another memory.

What’s the next one?

what I see-saw

5 on horses ride east. Winter has just arrived. Pine trees all around, blocking them from the cold winds. They ride for the balance. A war has been rising between 2 sides. While both sides gain distance the return pull gets harder to resist. The world would spin to chaos. So there are the few who sacrifice all to regain balance.

The shift in the earth is causing an uprise. Too many are wanting to fight. Just as many are hiding in fear. The heavy toll will be paid by those who serve the greater cause. Civil wars battle on, but these warriors are off to do what everyone else fails to recognize. There is always a duality. The problem is without a fulcrum, you have nothing to balance the sides with. They are the fulcrum.