Give and break

My head is being pounded like drum. Everyone gathers around pounding together. Non stop it continues. I’m pushed almost to the point of breaking. They stop for a moment, but my reprieve is short lived. They start again. Ever beating on my skin I feel I’m about to break. One grows tired and walks away, but another one take their place. There is no reprieve. I call out for peace and harmony, but they only harmony comes when they pound on me. Everywhere I turn I’m faced with another soul, beater in hand to take their turn.

I made the decision to help and they take too much every time. I transform back to bird form. I fly high back up the mountain. I leave them all behind, again. The owl prefers his space with his mate. He will stay there for a while. Maybe he will return, but nobody knows.

There’s no place like home for the holidays

Thanksgiving in America is upon us. The hectic energy of the upcoming holiday season is well underway. The grocery stores have become a derby zone of folks in carts crashing through the aisles racing to get the bags of potatoes for two bits, and the battles at the endcaps for the last cans of cranberry sauce. The freezer is like a loading belt of frozen turkeys going from the meat department worker who can’t feel their hands from the hours of loading the frozen foul, into the bins where the poultry pirates grab them twice as fast. Pumpkin pies are as scarce as the the cranberries. Messages of peace and joy are all over, going unnoticed while wrestling match in the deli department spills into bakery with the cries of hungry warriors looking to make their sandwiches.

This is all in preparation of the big battle. A day so filled with peril it’s been named “BLACK FRIDAY!”

The day has grown so crazed it’s taken and killed the evening before it, and the 3 days following. Every store becomes a battle ground. Food courts become a triage for wounded warriors who can recharge and rest between rounds. Cashiers from the stores work as teams to try to keep the carnage to a minimum. Security patrols run increased rounds trying as well to keep the madness from spilling over in the streets. Fat greasy corporations each the battle royale from afar, where they are clearly the only victors in the chaos. Hospitals become full of wounded, and there’s always someone who pays the ultimate price. Their body can’t take the constant battery of the stress brigade.

I stopped years ago. Now I get what I need weeks before. I stock my fortress with all the necessities so I won’t have to leave and risk life and limb for a can of cranberries. I head out with my family only when I know everyone else is busy licking their wounds at home.

Whispers and wishes

Floating down a river of green and red. Light reflects of the water. White light shines bright in your eyes. The sky flows pink, and purple, and orange with a yellow sun peeking from behind silhouette of a giant tree. Song’s of birds and the wind in the tall yellow grass, lulls you into a peace deeper than you have ever felt. On the air is a smell of grass, and sweet decay of fallen fruit. The warm breeze brings dandelion wishes and you watch them dance in the air. The sound of birds echos again off the water. Floating down the river, green and red.

Doing today, to better tomorrow

I want to talk about a nonprofit organization I am a member of. I recently shared about my getting a kick in the ass from the All Father himself, and the different pagan gods telling me to create a safe space for all pagans and those who just want to learn. Well this led me to my friend Kharma Lindsey. Her, and her circle had already started the process of starting up the same idea I was out recruiting for. This was the day I became a part of Pagan Perspectives AZ.

Pagan perspectives AZ is based in Prescott Arizona made up of pagan community members, artists, witches, healers, and shaman. We are working to bring the greater pagan community together in support of each other. Providing a place for people of all beliefs and backgrounds to share, teach, celebrate etc.

currently we are only doing 2 sabbats just because of the cost and work that goes into them. We will be doing more of course but for now we are doing Yule, and Midsummer. Yule is a potluck dinner being held at Collective Karma 450 W Goodwin St, Prescott Arizona. December 22nd from 4-8. There’s a sign up for dishes on our website pagan www.paganperspectives.org along with more information on us and what we do.

Midsummer this year was our first under the Pagan Perspectives AZ flag. We spent it in Skull Valley Arizona at Juniper Well Ranch. This beautiful place holds such great energy and magic. We have done gatherings before but this one was our first large event. We had community meals, camping, workshops, rituals, stories, drumming, hand tastings and more. It will be happening again this midsummer, and I promise to update with the details as soon as we work them out.

While most pagans tend to not have churches, we have the same rights as those churches of Christian faith. This means while for now we raise money to pay for the holiday events, we have bigger goals. Buying land to create a sacred sanctuary, or a community of tiny homes to assist with the homeless. Create scholarships for kids to go to college. Grants for projects to better the community. Rather than putting money into building another church or mega churches etc, we can use that money for something the community actually needs.

We look to have classes for those who want to explore a different path. We have support groups for empaths. Almost the entire board at pagan perspectives are empaths. We understand how hard it is to deal with the world and navigate those energies.

For those who want to explore witchcraft, we can have experienced witches share their experience and abilities to teach classes.

For those who want to know about past lives, or reiki, or whatever, we have people for you.

Need to unburden yourself of your woes, but don’t feel the church is for you? We have people who are trained counselors, or people who can just sit with you so you don’t feel alone. We have you.

We are not to be feared. We are here to help. We hold strong to our beliefs of karma, the rule of 3, and believe we all are beautiful pieces of stardust. We are all the true light in the darkness.

You are beautiful.

You are valid.

You are loved.

Visit us online at paganperspectives.org or on Facebook and instagram.

You can visit my pages on Facebook and instagram as well.

winter holidays: hum drums and haymakers!

I spent the morning out today. I didn’t hide, but I didn’t put myself out there for attention either. I walked as an every day dude just watching everything. The stress of the oncoming season is already starting. People are on high alert. Everyone is extra stressed. People are already putting on their battle armor just to get groceries. Everyone is becoming anxious about money. Cinnamon punches you in the face as soon as you walk into stores. The Christmas machine is already wreaking havoc on retail workers. It’s beginning to look a lot like SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I’m not one of those people who wages war on Christmas. It’s always been a wonderful time for family and love and giving. Sure I think that the retail corporations should hold off until at least the second week in November before they set berating you with the Christmas decor. I do love the Yuletide. It’s a time that makes me feel happy to have been blessed with loved ones. Time spent together sharing food, and tales of our journey. Setting the intent for the next year. So to me it makes no sense to make yourself crazy. Santa’s coming yo! Go have the dancing sugar plum dreams and chill the fuck out. You might find you actually enjoy it more than you ever let yourself.

For me it’s easy. I love my wife and kids. They are my blessing every day. Sure I try to get gifts, but they will still love me if I didn’t get them the newest, coolest, most rad, thingamajig or prettiest of a whatchamacallit. I would love to see more families out shopping together for gifts. Make it fun. We did for the past three years, like a secret Santa. We drew names and that was all you had to buy for. It had to be at least $50 but no more than $100. Of course as mom and dad we ignored it and bought for everyone. Now we decided there’s no pressure or expectations. If they want to get gifts great. Also if they decided they couldn’t that’s fine too. No pressure. We instead go out to a movie and get Chinese food on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day is just chill. At home watching the tube or whatever. I make some roast beast, and we sit and have a great dinner.

Thanksgiving is the same thing. Family and food. I don’t do the corporate thing of Black Friday shopping. I do understand sometimes family politics can set a bad taste, but here’s a secret. Nobody cares. If you’re invited, then you were loved enough to be thought of. If you’re hosting and someone falls into their drink, you can send them off. I mean it’s your house, your rules. Nobody will judge if you fucked up the turkey. If they do serve them tofu next time.

The point I’m trying to make is that there’s no reason to be so stressed. There’s no need to take out your frustrations on the kid making your deli sandwich. There’s no reason to get into a fist fight over a ‘thing’. Take a breath and look around. We’re all just trying too. The kid making your sandwich is doing the best he can in this busy world. Thank them. Wish them a happy holiday, or just “have a great day.” It means the world to them. Say thank you always. Be pleasant always. You can’t expect everyone else to be a ray of fucking sunshine, if you don’t even consider trying yourself.

birds and bears

The fire brings into focus the pictures playing in my mind. Deep inside, locked away is the source of pain that keeps the wheels moving. The shadows dance performing the play of our past. Demons of our past have snuck into the theater to wreak havoc for those who just want to see the show. The cold creeps up your back, letting you know the dark stuff is behind you. Facing the fire, heat is almost too much, but don’t turn away. You need this. This is your life story. Memories of your own mixing with echoes of someone else’s create a world that’s familiar and strange all at once. The spirits gather like moths to a flame. They add to the story.

I see a lot of people depressed. They sit at home afraid and beaten. I see the empty ones painting their faces and taking pictures of happiness that are manufactured coverups from their insecurities and fears of judgment. it’s a dark time. The veil is thin, so it heavily influences everything. Those who struggle with their existence are questioning less the consequences of getting off the bus early. People trying to make themselves feel happy by helping others, selling hope in a package wrapped in pretty bows.

Today the message came to me on the cry of a dove. In the cold of the crisp morning air, it feeds on the seeds and dried fallen fruit. In times weighed heavy with darkness, patience and strength are your staff and blanket. You’re given the tools to pull through your burdens. Keep focusing on what’s important. The shadows will always be there, but so will the fire.

There were other messages warning of false leaders and those that speak of peace and love, but that’s a mask to hide their insecurities and greed. Chose wisely who you put in your circle of power. Greed and power are strong forces that can corrupt the purest of souls.

The best advice came from the bear who said it’s time to fill your belly and ride out the winter. The fruit and fish will return again. Stay warm and safe with your loved ones.

Life: checks and balances

So for those who are just stumbling onto my posts, I want to give some background information. I have had a lot of health issues in my life. I was diagnosed with mixed connective tissue disease. This autoimmune disease is a combination of a few different things that I treat with medications and lifestyle changes. I go through long rough stretches when I flare up. I can also have a good stretch too. I started getting into a good stretch January this year, but then by midsummer I started flaring again. I have not had a break since. The pattern seems to be the same. After winter solstice, I return to a better state and heal. Then summer solstice comes and I start to decline. Each year the toll gets harder, but I try to deal with it as well as I can. I know I recently opened up to everyone about my spirituality and my abilities to see things from a different place. This always makes people think that a disease has taken a part of my brain functioning. Like I’m brain damaged, or the medication must be making me crazy, but I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. I spent my whole life being told I was over dramatic, or out of touch. I get frustrated and start thinking I’m crazy, but when I live my way, and do what I believe is right, I heal.

It’s hard to come out as someone or something other than what is perceived as normal. It’s a fight for your own identity. I realized though, you can’t expect others to understand or accept what you don’t understand yourself.

I have spent years learning, searching for answers. I still learn something everyday. The thing that learned the way for my growth though,was accepting that I am who I am. I am a human being living life with a strong connection to the natural world as well as a different dimensional plane. I spent a lot of times self medicating and avoiding what would trigger my fear and anxiety. It caused a few too many brushes with death. Unknowingly I was instead cementing myself as a conduit. This has made me the “grumpy old man.” The guy who is short tempered even on his good days, because I’m having a good day and don’t want to deal with your shit. On the bad days, of course I’m miserable, but during those times I tend to take on more. Mainly because I want the distraction. Recently I learned that I can’t do that. That is when I need to focus only on me. So I try my best to meditate, heal, and take time for me. The problem is I get a lot of other energy thrown at me. Animals, always vying for my attention. Spirits coming to share their story. Astral vibrations that sometimes put my ground wires on the fritz. It’s difficult to balance it all, but I’m still working on it.

I’m starting to try doing crafts. A way to create things and get out of my head. While that’s always a good outlet, I’m not particularly good at anything yet. I try spending time with friends, but even the ones who say they understand still don’t fully get it. So I get labeled as unsociable or whatever, but sometimes it’s just easier to stay home.

Now if you excuse me I have a raven tapping on my window and a cat trying to get me to pet him, because he thinks this is a waste of time and my time would suit me better if I rubbed his belly.

Airing out

Self enrichment

As I realize that I’m channeling my dog, I came to the conclusion that as an empath, life is as overly beautiful as it is disastrously ugly.

The fact that they say “your life flashes before your eyes,” is entirely because they just woke up. Our lives are our memories summed up into one amazing picture. The perpetual flashback. Like the movie’s we watch, we categorize the story of our life, as we hope others would see it. We tell great stories as these beings. Sometimes we realize that a lot of what we see presented to us, we learn to to see everything in the same way. When you start saying “nothing new” it’s because your brain has adapted to a state of consciousness that is not accepting in the moment. You see everything as a beautiful new creation when you breakthrough that wall. Everyone thinks your on drugs, but you’re just in the true sense of the word, “high on life.”

When I say that I see actor Dianne Wiest, doing her character Joan Short (life in pieces)

Some people naturally find this state, much to the aggravation of the ones still in the old lower vibration mode of thinking. Some have to find it only after trauma. Only then are they going to make the decision to raise their vibrational thinking. The ones who don’t make that decision to evolve, are choosing to stay in that place.

One of the biggest insults we do to those who are struggling with the transition, is to offer guidance and then expect them to pay you for it. I find this to be in poor taste as well. I’m in no way, some guru who has found something new. I’m just a guy who found my way into a path many have already walked. I don’t ask for money because I don’t give it any real value. It’s just something made up to keep people enslaved. So when someone asks me how I have come to my enlightenment I take the time and tell them. I don’t charge them. Even these writings I post on my online spaces freely. If someone chooses to show appreciation for my time, I am of course grateful. The thing that is most rewarding though is the knowledge that I helped someone who is where I had been. Searching for happiness and answers, but unable to pay the entrance fee.

I am fortunate to have the ability to help. I am fortunate to live in another crucial time of awakening. So many have come out of the slumber of lower frequency thinking, and they are all reaching for connection. I would be limiting myself by only connecting to those who pay me. I know my time with them is already fulfilling.

Circling the drain

Time hasn’t changed. I’m everywhere and nowhere. The clock is broken. Still the same light and shapes surrounding me. Am I remembering to breathe? My heart is racing but I’m laying still. The cold runs down my spine. I need to sleep, but I’m not sure I will wake up? It’s always a gamble. Is this death coming? Am I feeling this? Fear and panic is constant. My stomach in knots. Sweat dripping from my clammy forehead. You need to sleep. Every noise is amplified. Finally a cricket choir breaks through. Remember to breathe. Just be calm.

Repeat

Spiderwebs

I’ve been on a strange journey. It’s brought me to my past, as well as a past of a former incarnation.

We have patterns we see in our lives. Action and consequence. I’ve tried to live a life of peace and have done the best I could to avoid harm to anyone. Sometimes though we are faced with a decision where no matter the choice, there is no option that is painless. We try to see what will hurt less but not all choices are easy. There’s a lot of choices we make that are impossible decisions. We can only see into the horizon so far. That being said, we may get faced with consequences from past decisions that may come back to haunt us. This causes a lot of stress and chaos suddenly that you weren’t prepared for.

Last night I dreamt I was making a hotel. My wife and I had a large main building and several cottages on the property as well. No matter how hard we worked, we had a problem with spiders. There were 2 that were the main culprits. One was a giant tarantula. She was bigger than my hand. She was almost like family. A beloved pet. She never caused any real problem, but of course not everyone enjoyed being around her. They cast aspersions and sideways glances, but she was loved by us. However there was another spider. It was another giant spider. This one looked the body was size of a baseball. It was shaped like a giant black widow spider except it was white. This one was aggressive and started making life difficult for us. It had children that started infesting the hotel. They were venomous and vicious. It wade it so the patrons started trying to attack the spiders whenever they saw them. In the chaos our beloved tarantula was attacked and injured. She hid in a box and wouldn’t come out. I felt torn. I wanted to tell everyone to leave so I could care for a member of the family or keep it his and try to keep the panicked patrons from leaving.

I woke up this morning unsettled with the decision I was faced with. Spiders in dreams tend to talk about bad luck or dealing with manipulation from others in our lives. It brought an unsettling feeling to my morning. I realize that there are things in my life now that are too close to this vision. So now I’m faced with either just forgetting it and move forward saying I can deal with it as it comes, but the ravens that hang around me are telling me to keep an eye open. They usually are here to draw our attention to something we are missing. So everything outside of myself is telling me to watch out for things trying to upset my balance and manipulate me. Now I have to make a decision on how much I let this influence my life. For now though I will appreciate my coffee, and another beautiful morning with my family and the spirits who visit me everyday.