I’ve been on a strange journey. It’s brought me to my past, as well as a past of a former incarnation.
We have patterns we see in our lives. Action and consequence. I’ve tried to live a life of peace and have done the best I could to avoid harm to anyone. Sometimes though we are faced with a decision where no matter the choice, there is no option that is painless. We try to see what will hurt less but not all choices are easy. There’s a lot of choices we make that are impossible decisions. We can only see into the horizon so far. That being said, we may get faced with consequences from past decisions that may come back to haunt us. This causes a lot of stress and chaos suddenly that you weren’t prepared for.
Last night I dreamt I was making a hotel. My wife and I had a large main building and several cottages on the property as well. No matter how hard we worked, we had a problem with spiders. There were 2 that were the main culprits. One was a giant tarantula. She was bigger than my hand. She was almost like family. A beloved pet. She never caused any real problem, but of course not everyone enjoyed being around her. They cast aspersions and sideways glances, but she was loved by us. However there was another spider. It was another giant spider. This one looked the body was size of a baseball. It was shaped like a giant black widow spider except it was white. This one was aggressive and started making life difficult for us. It had children that started infesting the hotel. They were venomous and vicious. It wade it so the patrons started trying to attack the spiders whenever they saw them. In the chaos our beloved tarantula was attacked and injured. She hid in a box and wouldn’t come out. I felt torn. I wanted to tell everyone to leave so I could care for a member of the family or keep it his and try to keep the panicked patrons from leaving.
I woke up this morning unsettled with the decision I was faced with. Spiders in dreams tend to talk about bad luck or dealing with manipulation from others in our lives. It brought an unsettling feeling to my morning. I realize that there are things in my life now that are too close to this vision. So now I’m faced with either just forgetting it and move forward saying I can deal with it as it comes, but the ravens that hang around me are telling me to keep an eye open. They usually are here to draw our attention to something we are missing. So everything outside of myself is telling me to watch out for things trying to upset my balance and manipulate me. Now I have to make a decision on how much I let this influence my life. For now though I will appreciate my coffee, and another beautiful morning with my family and the spirits who visit me everyday.
Sitting in tall grass, by the edge of a lake. I follow a bee. I watch it and notice a pattern in its flight. I notice now it gets smaller and starts to change shape and color. The bee is now a glowing green orb getting smaller and the flight pattern it gets smaller by half each time the pattern starts over. As it gets smaller the light becomes paler and the pattern gets faster. I realize I no longer see my surroundings. I become more mesmerized by to light going faster and pattern getting smaller. As it seems the pattern is about to become so small I can no longer see it, the light gets brighter. It’s almost blinding. I notice it glows like a radiant sun. I see now the same pattern mirrored in the orb each shift to a smaller size the mirror pattern is getting bigger. It’s now changing from a globe of light it’s starts to resemble a droplet of water. It’s just in floating in the air. The pattern still shrinking and growing at the same time. It pulls me closer. Like gravity pulling me in. I try to resist but it pulls me in like diving into a ball of water. I close my eyes as I break the surface. I come out the other side to a world that is alien, but still familiar. Where it was day it’s now night. I’m no longer by a lake, but instead on a large grassy cliff overlooking a cold sea. The smell of salt water and dead fish taints the air. The wind blows harsh and cold. It bites my face. Behind me I hear a large fire crackling I turn to see skins laid out by the fire. A bundle down with the skins, and a hastily built wind break of pine boughs and fallen branches beside it. I see no one, but I am not alone. Outside the glow of the fire I see movement but no shape. I sense fear and curiosity at the same time. I realize the fear is my emotions but the curiosity is not mine. I hear a voice say to me “sit and warm yourself by the fire.” There’s bannock warm on the rocks of the fire. The voice calls out again “Eat!” I grab one of the pieces and proceed to eat. I say to the darkness “who are you? Step into the light of the fire so I may see you.” “In time. Not yet.” The voice is not male, nor female, but something in between. I ask “where am I? How did I get here?” I get no response. I ask again”where am I? Please tell me.” “You’re here with us now. We are travelers too. We followed the faerie into a flying pool. Now we are stuck. Nothing but night. Nothing but cold and dark. Bitey cold hurts us” it replies from the shadows. “Where did your u get the food and skins?” I ask wondering how they got everything here if they found nothing. “Here it was already” replying from the shadows still. I figure now there has to be someone else here then. “How long have you been here?” I ask as I’m still trying to adjust my eyes to make out the being with the strange voice. “We came here long ago but only an eye blink ago. We don’t know since no fires in the sky. Always dark. Always cold.” I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn to look. I’m now on a snowy mountain. I’m high enough that when I look down I see what looks like snow on the ground is a think blanket of clouds. The voice is calling out but I can’t tell what direction. “Changes you make are still cold but now we can see.” I reply “I didn’t do this! What happened?” I am now confused and curious about what I fell into. “There’s something behind us!” I turn and now we’re in some cave or underground cavern of some sort. Again there’s a fire but I see no way out. There’s figures on the rocky walls. Some look like ancient cave drawings. Primitive and of odd looking figures. On the other walls there are more sophisticated images. Nothing looking familiar. The images are more intricate and geometric in shapes. There’s what appears to be words, but I don’t know the language. Again I hear from everywhere and nowhere, “ it tells us we are not to stay. We need to go again.” And suddenly we’re back at the fire on the cliff. It’s dark and I hear the waves of the sea crashing against the rocky cliff. Now by the fire though is a new figure. It’s a man with what appears to have a head dress made of antlers. He gestures to the skins laid out still by the fire. There’s a bladder of water now beside the skins. I go to the skins and pull one over my back facing the fire, rubbing my body to try to warm myself by the fire.
“You’re here because you can see. You are here because you always were. This is of your creation. You are and always have been eternal.you can see because you’re always here.”
I reply in my confused state “what do I see? Where am I? What did I create?”
“You create your reality. You are what you need to be. You are where you need to be. There are no doors unless you bring them to existence. You are here because you see.”
“This is bullshit! So if I want light I just say let there be light, and snap my fingers?” Snapping my fingers sarcastically, all of a sudden it’s midday. I see now that it’s not a head dress. This guy has antlers. His eyes are dark. It’s a striking image to see in real life. I’ve seen art renderings and such, but never in the flesh.
“This is what you need it to be. This is where you need it to be. You can come here when you need to give the answers.”
“Don’t you mean learn the answers?”
“You already know the answers. You just have to remember them and speak them aloud.”
“This is bizarre! I want to go home!”
With that I wake up in my bed. It’s a strange dream. I go to make coffee. As I stumble to the living room and into the kitchen I look out the window. There are ravens on my fence looking in at me. They are spending more time here. I start the coffee and head to the bathroom. The cats are all talking to me.
After I go to the bathroom I go grab my phone from the nightstand. So I can play my puzzle games and listen to music while I have my coffee. I sit down in the recliner and wait for the coffee to brew. I feel strange and still a bit confused by my dream. I decide I need to revisit it. So I set myself into the chair I start to journey. I instantly am back at the cliff. I’m by myself though. Nobody is there. I look at the to the ground and I see a a light it’s the same light that I saw before. I want it to hurry, and it instantly changes to a floating orb of water. I put my hand in it and the other side feels warm. I go through the portal to arrive in my yard. It’s warm and quiet. I hear something behind me. I turn to find nothing there. I’m confused trying to follow this journey. I sit down and said to myself that I’m not chasing the rabbit anymore. I decide I’m done and jokingly say “fuck that rabbit! Fuck him right in his fluffy tail!”
I come back to now, the coffee is ready. I pour a cup and look out the window to see the ravens now in the middle of the road eating what looks to be a dead rabbit that lost a race with someone’s car. I felt guilty because I was told I create my reality and I decided the rabbit had to go. Then. Decided the ravens needed to eat. I sat down with my coffee and pondered the event. I can see it as coincidence or I can see it as manifestation. If it’s coincidence, it was a weird trip. If it’s manifestation, I need to choose my actions carefully.
We all need to choose our actions carefully. No matter our beliefs, we all truly are accountable for our actions.
I spend a lot of time observing the world around me. For me that involves watching it through different eyes at different times, but at the same time simultaneously. I haven’t been successful on explaining what I do. In neopaganism, people tend to think because they beat on a drum and do yoga , and enjoy being outside, they are shaman. It’s a vague term used far too frequently for the wrong reason. Some would say I’m a medium, and they’re not wrong, but not completely correct either. So what is it hat a shaman does?
I never received formal training. You can’t learn to be a shaman, but you can learn some of their practices. I have always been an Empath. I would sense different energy. I would use it to communicate with plants and animals. Sometimes it caused problems because people who don’t understand empaths tend to think we’re just a bit strange anyway. I always found that animals and people came to me. I would always find injured or sick animals and either make them better, help them fix something, or sat with them while they would pass on. I never thought anything about it. I just did it. I would see things that were not there. I didn’t ignore them and that would get me in trouble sometimes. Parents would say I was acting out or being dramatic. My mother still says this. It’s ok to hear it now, because I understand that they don’t understand it. They never will. They’re not meant to. I never honed my skills as I was younger because I was trying to just be a kid. I never did it in my young adulthood, because I was trying too hard to be “normal”. It wasn’t until my first overdose that I realized, or questioned would better state it, I was seeing a lot more weird stuff. I would see doctors and they said there was nothing wrong. So why was my life all of a sudden like I was multiple lives in time?
When we die, our energy changes. Our life force transition from conscious life crossing over to the next form. What’s left of our energy turns our body to compost. We feed the earth and other living things. Our memories change to be interpreted by those we leave behind. They process those memories as they go through their grieving process. As a shaman we walk in both worlds. We see what is and what was. We can do this because we have crossed over ourselves. We left a part of ourselves there. We experience things on both sides of the veil. The scenery changes a lot but no matter the scenario, we are tethered to both sides. But when the spirit world calls me the scenery changes. Like seeing a movie or something. At first I didn’t understand what or why this was, but now I understand completely. We all create our afterlife. We choose our design. We manifest our beliefs. All of us do it whether it’s heaven, hell, Valhalla, Mars, whatever. Some of us realize this and begin to understand that we all have religion wrong. So many things are similar in religions. Scales, balance, good, evil, love, wrath, and creation of self image. Instead though of our physical appearance though we need to realize our potential to be godly. Our consciousness isn’t just something to separate us from the animals. We have created our world according to our design. We choose to be good or bad. We choose to build or destroy. We chose to love or hate. No imaginary dude or dude-ette is responsible for that. We are. We choose to act or not. We choose to speak or not. If we accept our responsibility for ourselves, things could change drastically. I can’t say if the world would be better or worse, because it is what it is. The difference is, now I understand that myself. As I said, I can only control how I respond, or react. I can’t change others. I can hope to enlighten, but they chose to be enlightened or not. With the explanation that we ourselves control our reality, this is why the scenery changes. If I am being sent or called somewhere, then I am entering that beings created space. I experience a feeling or a sense of some sort. It’s different than mine. I learn what I can, and then when I return to this consciousness, I can interpret that to the best of my ability. I only know what is shown. I never have all the answers, but sometimes I’m lucky enough to get enough for others to get a sense of direction.
Am I a healer? Yes and no. I am a healer in the sense that I point you into a direction for you to heal yourself. I can set your mind at ease so you can put energy where you need it. I’m not a doctor. I can’t mend your body, but maybe I can help you find your inner strength. A lot of times you may hear the terms soul loss, or soul retrieval. We are beings of energy. Einstein said that energy can not be created or destroyed, but only can be transformed. When you drop a glass it breaks and shatters. The glass had a major traumatic experience. The same thing goes for us. When we experience trauma, it on e metaphysical level, cause our energy to shatter. We leave pieces of our soul everywhere. Empathy pick up on echoes or energy left behind all the time. What I do is help you go back to where you lost it. I help you find it. This helps you feel better. Healing is to make whole again. You won’t be the same, but you are wiser for it.
Now something else I try to explain to people is when we act “not ourselves” or possessed. There is possession, but in my case it’s just a tool for learning. This we need to think of as a medium. We allow a spirit, or energy to enter us. Most times it’s to learn something. Sometimes it’s to try to heal something or someone. Sometimes it’s just to throw rocks at the fire. It doesn’t mean we need an exorcism, but that it’s easier for that spirit to communicate themselves. Basically I’m a spirit taxi. I give it a ride to the party and back home. This doesn’t mean I can up and call out to the dead like a physic, because I’m not the ghost world yellow pages. Sometimes though it means I may pick up an affectation though. A gesture, a thought, often an accent. Generally though, I have not had any experiences with a possession that has left me stuck. I’ve had some say that I shouldn’t hold on to that energy, but what they don’t understand is that it is holding on to me. There are lots of times where I have had a possession hold me for a while. Usually this causes holes in my memory. I don’t remember things usually. It’s like sleepwalking. My consciousness is elsewhere while the guest is “borrowing the car.”
I do have clairvoyant abilities, but again it’s not me, but the energy being shared. Most of it comes in dreams. I have to spend a lot of time processing though. Too often I have dreams and I really need to interpret them. Some are a straight forward picture. Most are a metaphor. This being said, I can not predict winning lotto numbers or anything. All I do again is observe and report.
All of the things I do, I do as I was born to. Recently I found out the biggest teacher I had was dead before I was born. I try to learn a little from everyone though. You may not realize something at that time, but you’ll be surprised later when you see how you learned it. I would have a tendency to get cocky for a long time. I would say “I don’t know everything, but I’m always right!” What people hatred was that it was true. The problem I had was I would try to use it to my advantage, but when I do that I tend to misinterpret and then things go bad. So now I just talk of what I know.
So now that I’ve tried to explain what I do, I hope it’s helped you understand a little too. You can try to understand, or learn techniques, but a true “shaman” is born to it, and not sworn to it. We share what we learn, and try our best to get something right. I hope this explains the difference between learning shamanic technique and being an actual shaman. Don’t underestimate a well practiced practitioner because they spent a lot of time learning their craft, but a true shaman is like finding a natural
The trap bites deep in my leg. The pain shoots through my entire body. The cold comes fast. I’m not sure if it’s from the blood loss, or because it’s after midnight, in January, in the Rockies. I hear rustling in the trees approach from behind me. I feel cold no more. All I feel is tired. I close my eyes just for a moment.
I open my eyes. I’m surrounded by light and land that feels different. I look to my feet to find a turtle walking past me. I look to my right to find a bear sitting chewing on a broken branch, playfully. I hear a birds wings flapping. Landing on the other side of me is a snow owl. They are all here for me. They speak with no sound. A truth piercing me like an arrow. I’m no longer in that world anymore. I passed that life and shed its husk. I see there is water so I go to drink but I’m not thirsty. I am just doing it out of habit. I see my reflection. I’m a large wolf. Hair as black as night. I am wolf shadow. My turn was up. The owl asks me if she can go now? I say yes and I watch her fly high up then dive down into the river. She does not come back. The owl is in the tangible world now. What was her new form?
The owl emerges not as herself but as a young boy. Confused and always fearful, the boy child struggles with things he can’t express or explain.
I saw a lot of the harbingers over the past few days. They hang around making their presence known. This winter is coming early and it’s going to be harsh for the living. I saw many harbingers. I know the sick will fall. Some we are not ready to lose, all will go away. It pulled the heart from my chest. I look at my opened chest and see black but emerging from the dark I see myself emerge from the black, white feathers throwing off the black tarry blood. I call out from my spirit form, and the windows shatter. Many come to carry off the old shell of my being. The sun breaks the horizon and I see many discarded husks along the ground. Butterflies and birds, lizards and toads, snakes and spiders, all are newly taking to the world. I look to the sky to see the moon still in the morning sky. It’s cold. The land is bare.
I can’t believe how much I see so many pagans, or people claiming to be witches and shamans on social media. Mind you I know I’m guilty of the same thing, but I feel I need to clarify my recent need to put my messages out there.
Back in December I had the biggest kick in the ass to help everyone with the coming awakening. I have always been clairvoyant, and always empathic. What I noticed was dream walking more frequently, and involuntary to boot. Over the years I’ve had many places where I have a construct evolve and change from time to time. Also I’ve seen gods in my dreams, but they are just in the distance. All of a sudden it didn’t just evolve, but instead was slammed into a new form. I went from a luxury mansion to a glass walled food court. In the food court were many spirits that had messages to give. I noticed I would while awake, I would have journeys to other realms, or through the veil. All of a sudden my abilities amplified to where it was always happening. So back in December of 2018 the Hindu god Ganesh appeared to me in a dream. I noticed it was the new construct. While he was telling me I have everything I need, I will have to deal with new updates, changes are coming hard and fast. I was blown away because I hadn’t seen a Hindu god in my dreams, and gods don’t ever talk to me, they’re just there. I was bombarded every time I slept. Either gods, or spirits with significant past influences were all telling me to stop wasting my time. I would notice things manifesting in the world around me. Then in February or March, I was visited by Odin. He told me I’ve “dipped my toes in the water too long. Get in and get wet.” He banged the ground at his feet with his stave and it sent a huge ripple of energy that blew me back into an ocean. I came up for air to find myself alone in a dark sea but a very bright sun lighting the sky. I awoke to two ravens chortling in the tree right outside my bedroom window. How could I blow this off just as a dream? I felt this so deeply.
I was sent out to create a place for all pagans to gather, share, and support each other. I thought that most pagans tend to not need a church or anything but what about a sanctuary. I cane up with the idea to create a temple space and sanctuary. I looked into it and decided I will approach it the same way christians start a church. I would find a group of people who were like myself, on a mission to build this space. I sat and wrote out articles of incorporation and bylaws, but I still needed to find people to join in the venture. I went out, which I never do, and went to a book store where I met a guy named Jasper. previously he mentioned he was a heathen while I was buying the elder futhark. I told him of my idea and dream. He told me I needed to go talk to karma. I thought wow a dude who is named after a stone I carry told me to talk to a universal equalizer. He gave me the address and I went there. The building has signs all over say “Collective Karma” I went into the place kind of with a weird sense of purpose. There I met Kharma. She’s a woman with this aura and energy that was very inviting. She paused from doing a clients nails and walked out into her rock shop where I laid out the vision of Odin and the ravens outside my window. She tells me she’s a witch and has started a very similar thing with some other fellow pagans called “Pagan Perspectives AZ”. They had already filed their articles of incorporation, and told me of their event plans for midsummer. I decided I would park my plans for now, and add my energy to theirs. I was informed of a healing circle they do, as well as a class for empaths. I thought first that this was too convenient. My new circle of friends grew fast. I volunteered for midsummer and had a blast. I did overdo it though and was having a lupus flare during the event, but kept trucking on. After it was done it took me a couple weeks to recover. It was a wonderful experience though. All of a sudden I was invited back for another meeting, where I was made a member of the board.
Here I am now coming up on a year of a very intense ascension of consciousness. It’s been amazing and a pain in the ass, all at the same time. I find that old programming rearing it’s ugly head from time to time. It’s always around social media posts though. Everyone posting memes, regurgitated quotes, and their “insta-worthy” lifestyle photos. While I should be saying “wow! What an awesome time to be me.” Instead I start noticing how very disingenuous the posts come off. All the power and strength in this awakening is quickly becoming a millennial play land of yoga poses, merchandising, and fake smiles. I understand it’s the way the world is now, but by trying to connect to everyone, people are becoming very disconnected from the truth. That truth is, you can say you’re great, but you’re still hollow inside. You can say you’re connected but you won’t talk to the person sitting next to you. You can talk peace and love, but you’re getting up in arms over small irrelevant issues. I now only go on social media for a few minutes max, and most of it is to share what I see around me. I share visions and messages. I find myself once in a while sharing a post that is of meaning to myself, but I see changes coming up fast.
We have a path in front of us all. Some are busy smelling flowers, while others are plotting to “fix” things. We’re all on the same road to ruin. We all want that “insta-worthy” life, because our lives are gone to shit. Each person blames the other, and everyone is looking out for themselves. People do nice things and film it so they can prove they’re good, but are you if you’re doing it for recognition instead of genuinely trying to help? I had the ravens back today. I didn’t know what to say to them. I felt pressure to explain why I hadn’t done anything yet. I had no answer. They flew off and I went inside. I had a flash vision of being hunted. Many of us were hiding. The next evolution was scary and cannibalistic. I was a pest and only good for meat. No longer was I in control of anything. I remembered the one lesson I learned years ago. The only thing you control is your actions or inactions, what you say or don’t say. Everything else is an uncontrolled variable. So have I not acted enough? Have I said too much, or too little? Of course my vision of being hunted is a metaphor for something else, but it’s always something to listen to. I don’t want Zeus being the next god trying to kick my ass into gear with a lightning bolt or some shit!
Let’s try something new but old. Let’s go out and really connect to the world around us. Let’s take our power back from the electronic beasts. Let’s take a minute to assess what we are doing to our community, and our planet. Let’s make ourselves whole again. We are of the universe. We are of the planet. We can’t be whole if we are not truly connected to our creators. Honour yourself by honouring them. Love is the way, just remember to love often and always.